Tag: wisdom

Connection

Posted on by cmryan

I’m in the midst of a countdown list of things to do as I prepare for a mini-vacation with family…I will be with my children and all my grandchildren for the first time ever!

While we all maintain contact through various technologies on at least a weekly basis, we definitely look forward to the face-to-face visits with great enthusiasm. At the same time…between all the pre-vacation preparations, the long days of driving to another state, and the fact that I really love my home, I sometimes find it difficult to make the journey. Yet, I’m always glad that I do. The connection we have as a family is stronger than any excuse not to go.

It takes time and energy to maintain quality relationships, whether it’s with your spouse, children, extended family, friends or groups in which a person is involved (such as church, work, hobbies, etc.). Oftentimes, and sadly, relationships can deteriorate and even fade away just from the lack of attention they so desperately need.

One of the best pieces of advice I ever received about relationships is that they need to be fed. For example, in a marriage, both individuals need to contribute love, time, energy and respect (plus more!) in order for this vital union to survive. Both people need to contribute to the connection they share. It’s like a three-legged stool. It’s necessary to think of the relationship as a living entity, one of the legs, and the two people involved as the other two legs. Such a stool will never stand on its own with only one individual trying to make it work. A two-legged stool will never stand.

The same is true for ANY relationship to survive…parent and child, friendships, employer and employee, client and customer, or whatever. We must take the time to nourish the bonds that connect us…if we want them to continue.

I find it interesting to observe and be part of the evolution of a relationship. They’re precious no matter how long they last; the memory of a special connection can live in our memories forever. I get a warm, fuzzy feeling when I notice the seeds of a friendship taking root amongst members of our congregation. I melt in the love of a grandchild’s hug. A text from my adult children can turn into a laughing fest. An international phone call from my husband any time of the day or night is a testament to our long-term commitment. By whatever means available, making an effort to stay connected to the ones you care about deepens the joy of living…it helps to balance the three-legged stool…and turn it into a large and comfortable recliner.

I believe and teach that what you think, say and do is returned in some manner to you. How beautiful life is when those seeds of love and friendship are sowed with all you know and returned exponentially from many directions. There is no end to the Good…to the Love. Why not share it abundantly as often as you can!  See you after my trip.

My name is…and I’m a…

Posted on by cmryan

What do an unkempt yard, garden tools, and a timer have in common? The answer… awareness and inspiration. My time pulling weeds and cleaning up garden debris has brought to the forefront of my awareness an obvious addiction I’ve had for years…perhaps my entire adult life. It’s one that is often welcomed in the professional arena. But before my friends and congregants get too concerned about my problem, let me declare it here and now: I’m a workaholic…on the path to recovery.

During the past two years, I’ve focused on two separate careers. Long hours and extensive commuting have been the priority, excluding me from any kind of real life. Now, having left the distant, full-time office job and turning full-time focus to ministry, teaching and writing while working from home, I’m discovering the challenges of creating my day’s schedule, learning to rest without becoming complacent or distracted (staying motivated), and quieting the voice in my head that constantly tells me I’m not doing enough.

Just recently, I literally forced myself to spend an afternoon on the couch, resting after a busy Sunday morning and watching television with my husband. There was work waiting at my desk (there always is) and projects were clearly visible around the house, in the yard, garage, and especially in my office. The whole time I was on the couch, that ugly voice was whispering how lazy I was….that I wasn’t really tired and didn’t need to sit there…that work – any work – was more important than television (no matter what was on)…that I’d pay for it later…and other things that were much more critical and hurtful. Ego will say whatever it can to keep things static, familiar. It was all I could do to force my restless body to stay seated in the recliner.

I have always known how to work. I learned it at an early age and have been rewarded for my efforts. It’s what I do best. Frankly, resting, taking breaks, or relaxing is where the difficulty lies. Take away my opportunity to work on a project, to solve a problem, to meet a deadline, and it’s like taking away the bottle from an alcoholic or drugs from an addict. In the past, given a choice to work or go to some social event, I’d gladly choose work (in my head). Most always I have two or three or more projects going at the same time. My brain never shuts off and is generally focused on work-related topics. I learned I could rest when the work is done, but it never is. I’d start a 12-Step group in my area, but taking on another task would only add to the problem. (Go to Workaholics-Anonymous.org for symptoms of this addiction.)

As I work on my landscape maintenance projects, something I absolutely love doing, it’s become critical for my health to pace myself. I use a timer…and the “power of an hour.” I give myself one hour each morning to play in the dirt – that’s it. Then I consciously talk myself into cleaning up, putting away the garden tools, bagging up the weeds and yard trash, before going on to the next task (it’s quite a conversation!)…where I set the timer again. If I don’t limit my time in this manner, I have been known to work myself into exhaustion – euphoric with what I’ve visibly accomplished, but unable to move a muscle from all the adrenal push and exhaustion. My body needs the physical exercise and movement, but I don’t need to work myself to death. Yes, it appears I’ve reached bottom.

My ego had been fairly quiet these past two years as I pushed myself through an insane schedule and rationalized it was something I had to do. Now, it’s shouting again. Making the choice to focus on one career and a personal life has not been an easy one for me. I’m seeing me in a glaring light of self-awareness. I’m noticing the difficulty in pacing myself through projects, finding balance on a daily basis, and committing to recovery from this obsessive, addictive behavior. I’ve even begun to set the timer for my rest periods or fun activities, too, so I know when I can get back to work. Baby steps…one day at a time.

I’m ready to enjoy life – every bit of it – family, friends, home, hobbies, fun and relation, time for me, and work – each in its own turn. I’m grateful for all the loving support in this recovery endeavor. It’ll be interest­ing to see who I become through the process. I could go on and on about this, but right now, I’m being called outside to give a six-year-old lessons in tree climbing. See you later.

CHARACTER

Posted on by cmryan

One of the aspects of our family home, the one we’ve moved back into in recent months, is that – as one friend commented – it has character. Yes, it does. It has unique attributes that give it its own personality and atmosphere, similar to the way people have theirs. It got me wondering, “How does this happen to a house? How do we recognize when a person has character? What does that really mean?”

A few definitions for “character” include: personality, disposition, moral fiber, nature, spirit, and more. When applied to a house, it must come from its architects and, eventually, its residents. We can witness over time how a homeowner or family adds to the personality of a house through its décor, landscaping, and wear-and-tear – the livingness of life. The nicks and bruises, repairs and improvements, even the human or animal scents of those who live there, all modify the original structure. Modifications can be the result of a family’s growth, such as changing a paint color of a room to indicate a boy or girl occupies that space, adding an addition or remodeling a basement as individual interests expand. The space becomes personalized and takes on features that are connected to its occupants and their life events.

This happens to us as well. Our physical development as humans begins in the womb, before we even enter this outer world. We’re born into a family or situation that begins to mold the person we can become – through traditions, rituals, customs, rules, etc. We begin to engage in the shared world, go to schools, join activities, groups and churches, make friends and adversaries, get jobs, and have all sorts of relationships. Every interaction and experience impacts us in some way…it just does.

You may not remember every single thing in detail, but your participation is forever logged in your being, whether physically, mentally or spiritually. It shapes the person you become – and you are always becoming more of who you are capable of being. This “what” – this beingness of you­ – is your character. Just like a home – the nicks and bruises of life, the self-improvements and growth opportunities, the mental expansion that experiences naturally provide – your personality, nature, and spirit are impacted. These factors and more shape the person you are and how you respond to the world and all its interactions of life.

Your character is your way of being in the world, how you think about it, and your part in it. It’s the way you react or respond… judge or accept… blame or take responsibility… avoid or participate… reject or choose. While aspects of character, such as honesty, integrity, ethics, etc., are shared by all, each person’s interpretation of those aspects is what makes their character unique to them. I learned a quotation decades ago that has served me well: “The true character of a man is what he does when no one is looking.” (This applies to women, too.)

A house becomes a home…a baby becomes an adult. Every transformation may include pain and hard work. The final result depends on the effort made throughout the process and the quality of mind put into the creation. As long as you are breathing, you will never be finished creating the person you can become and the character you hold within. And isn’t that a wonderful thing!

Good Grief

Posted on by cmryan

I did it! Last week I officially resigned from a “secure” employment position to focus on my ministry and entrepreneurial interests. (Security is a relative term; the company and its employees experienced four lay-offs in less than two years.) I know the timing is perfect for I’ve felt nothing but exhaustion for several days since. There was little physical energy left to continue that insane schedule. However, while I can rationalize or justify the ‘why’ of each emotion or physical feeling, I’ve felt incredible sadness, sleeplessness, and very little motivation to do anything I enjoy…up until now.

I’m convinced that this mix of feelings – mental and physical – is not only a result of the release after working two full-time jobs for nearly two years, but also a form of grief. I have let go a professional role that I have known for more than 30 years. I have supported corporate managers, sales teams, presidents and CEOs. I have provided a set of technical and interpersonal office skills that are not yet developed in the person who just replaced my position. Such development takes time. Fortunately, my skills will always be mine; I can take them with me wherever I go.

In spite of that awareness and the choice I made to leave that job, this is a time to honor the release of a career that, in many ways, I have outgrown. The sadness or grief that has welled up so unexpectedly will pass in time…as does all grief. It is good to experience the low’s so we can better appreciate the high’s. Opposites are a common occurrence in our world. As long as I don’t wallow too long in these lowered feelings, the grief will transform into Good. The mystery is:  into what will it transform? What “phoenix” will arise from the ashes? This is a monumental turning point and one worth remembering!

I have tremendous appreciation for this moment of opportunity…for my husband and partner…for our church congregants and volunteers…for the gifts of talent I have and those yet to discover…for a new career path to fully explore and embrace the Divine. The excitement of creating a larger future, of expressing more of who I am and to serve the world in greater ways, pulls me from this grief to focus on the unlimited possibilities of Life! Where do I start? With gratitude… for all I have and AM in this world, as well as all I AM yet to be.

God is Good…Good is God. And so it is!

Hunger

Posted on by cmryan

I heard an odd sound this morning, something I haven’t experienced for awhile. My stomach grumbled…and not because I was deprived of food in any way.  I wasn’t on a diet of any sort. However, I did notice I was a little hungry. While I was able to quickly satisfy my physical craving for food, it got me thinking about another type of hunger.

You might think of this “hunger” as longing and discontent, a craving for something more, a way to live life more fully, to express more completely as who you are. I live with this desire all the time. I feel constantly pushed by Spirit to discover more of what I can do, what I’m capable of creating and learning and expressing. Sometimes those closest to me shake their heads at all my plans and dreams. They tell me to slow down. Yet, they see only a small part of what is inside me, waiting…growing…visioning. The roots are deep.

The “push” inside of me is not about proving to anyone how much I can do, because frankly, of my own will, I can do nothing. The energy that fills me is Infinite and comes from a Higher Source than that provided through nourishment, muscle or a good night’s sleep. The discontent, expressing less than what I’m capable of, keeps me on-track to explore the limits of my talents, to develop new skills, to serve greater needs, and to dream bigger dreams.

Our arrival to and departure from this physical plane is usually shared with others. Life’s journey is never traveled alone. The soul energy that drives us comes and goes, in and out of this life, without any aid. It guides us, fills us, and every once in awhile, signals a hunger that has not yet been satisfied. I stand at that crossroad.

I’m preparing to embark on a career adventure for which I’m as prepared as I know to be – both as a minister and teacher (with a small but growing congregation), and as an entrepreneur. I have the business knowledge, the education, the licenses, the support of the people involved, and the desire to be more. These are all obvious areas that will be expanded or deepened through time. But there’s more to it than even all of that.

The new roles require my growth in consciousness and trust in the unknown. Unknown relationships. Unknown challenges and successes. Unknown talents as I grow myself (metaphorically) in directions I can’t clearly see right now. I get to put into daily, focused practice (what has only been a part-time effort up until now) the knowledge and wisdom of living as the leader I have craved to demonstrate.

I do not take this opportunity lightly. I cherish this change of professional direction…to create businesses that provide abundant income for life’s goals…to guide and create a strong community of spiritual seekers and students, those who are looking to awaken the discontent in themselves and feed their soul’s hunger…to develop and deepen relationships with family and friends that are uplifting and satisfying…to be all I came to be in this life. I am comforted knowing I will have help from both God and friend. Life’s journey is never traveled alone. Let’s dine together!

Relationships

Posted on by cmryan

It doesn’t matter who you are, where you live, or the life you are creating…you will be in relationship with someone at sometime. Your very life began as a result of the physical relationship of your parents. The end of your life may include the care of those who are not your family. Yet the most important relationship to consider, which you will no doubt reflect upon during your final days if not before, is the one you have with yourself…your human personality or ego self with your spiritual or God-Self.

You are always the common denominator in any relationship of your life. Think about that? In fact, here are a few questions to consider:

  • If you are experiencing negativity or irritation or some other type of low-quality feeling with the majority of the people in your life, is it really them?
  • Would the people in your life be more welcome to you if ALL of them just changed?
  • Or is it your perspective and attitude that needs the adjustment?
  • What is the ‘quality’ of your relationships with others?
  • How do you view yourself?
  • Would you want YOU for a friend?

I am about to leave my place of employment where I’ve been for nearly two years. During this time, I’ve taken little initiative to get to know many of the people here. In fact, far more people know who I am than I do them. Our work tasks do not mingle, we’re on different floors, work different schedules, etc. It is what it is.

On the other hand, of those few people I do know and interact with regularly, the depth of most interactions has been very shallow. We’ve not gone out lunch together or shared a coffee break. Topics of conversation have centered on work or the company the majority of the time. This approach is partly due to the solitary environment in which I’ve been working, as well as my less-than-enthusiastic desire to be here. I am responsible for the way I isolated myself so as not to get too involved, which could have impacted my decision to leave or focus on a new career direction, but resolved an inner conflict I found easier to avoid than to face.

It is only now that, with the decision made to leave and my last day of working here clearly in view, I am taking the time to share of myself and they with me. Oh, what I have missed!  We have shed tears together, shared dreams, told stories, solved world problems, and laughed about so many things. Whether we continue our new, deeper relationships after my departure from this job remains to be seen.   

While I have some regret of not making this effort earlier in my tenure here, I have learned, again, a valuable lesson of living, connecting, and being present in the now moment of livingness…to recognize the preciousness of our earthly relationships and the value they offer to our spiritual consciousness. Whether it be for a moment in the check-out line, daily interaction with the people at work, or how you live with yourself from the inside-out, the quality of your relationships is up to you…and you alone.

 

Placeholder

Posted on by cmryan

Within the past couple of days, one word has repeatedly appeared in conversation – placeholder. As I witnessed the repetition of this term, my mind started paying attention to its meaning or alternative meanings. The online dictionaries define it as “words that can refer to objects or people, whose names are unknown or irrelevant” or “a symbol in a mathematical or logical expression that may be replaced by the name of any element of a set.” I began wondering why this felt so significant to me. And then I knew!

First, some background is in order. The first conscious awareness of this word’s importance was at my place of work, regarding the holding of a spot on a website so that documents could later be inserted in the proper order. Next, as my husband and I were reflecting on our recent house move, leaving one home of two years to return to where we’ve lived for over 20 years, it seemed as if the temporary residence never even happened. It was rather a surreal adventure. We were just a “placeholder,” occupying the address until the next residents arrived at the house we no longer desired. We had appreciated our time there; life was full and active. We grew in consciousness, maturity and wisdom. Then it was time to move on, literally.  Finally, as I prepare to leave my job and return to a self-employment venture, I anxiously await news that a successor will soon follow and assume my role and duties.

It occurs to me that we could view our human bodies, our earthly lives, as placeholders, too. Not in the sense of being irrelevant or to be replaced by any element, but as placeholders for our souls. We occupy a role, name or persona that suits us for a time, until a change is accepted, perhaps unwillingly at times. We fill this earthly form for several decades then release it to dust and make a space for those who follow.

Spirit–God or Life Force– lives in and through us to experience this existence as we choose to be in it. The unseen energy or intuition guides us, if we pay attention to it. We are born, grow up, work, play, love and move through Life at whatever pace we prefer or allow. When one experience ends, no matter how long we’ve been expressing in that capacity, another begins…we move on. We are as significant as we desire or imagine ourselves to be. We are placeholders for God in that each of us is a unique expression of the Divine, living and learning and sharing our lessons until it is time to voyage onward.

The important thing is that, while we are here, in whatever place or way we live, we hold the highest and best consciousness for ourselves and the world. We grow our lives right where we’re planted until we hear the call to move on…whether that be to a new home, new job, new relationship, or new form of being. Everything in this physical realm is temporary. Only the Life that fills our bodies and energizes our soul is eternal. The fact that we exist, you and I, is evidence enough that Spirit is holding our place in line for the next great adventure.

 

Tell Me What You Want…

Posted on by cmryan

At first glance this title may suggest that I’m asking someone what they want so I can help fulfill that desire. Actually, this is far from the meaning. While I am more than willing to assist, pray and encourage others to fulfill their dreams and goals, it is no longer in my nature to do it for them.

What this title is asking is that you be direct with me (and others)…that you speak honestly, authentically and from the heart…with compassion and respect, of course. Rest assured that I will do the same with you. A slogan I learned years ago states: “Honesty without compassion is brutality.”

When a person speaks Truth (based on principle, objectively and from their God-self), it’s much easier to hear, too. All the excuses or whining, the reasons why-not, and the justifications for being unkind, just seem to disappear and fall away. The words and emotions of Truth are more recognizable because they’re in all of us. It’s the human drama details that get in the way of us communicating effectively with one another.

I want to hear what you want to say…at the gut level, from the heart. Tell it to me straight the first time. Don’t give me a story now because you think that’s what I want to hear, and then later change the information or avoid the topic (and me) altogether. Tell me what you really want to say…what you really want to create in your life, in our relationship. I may not like the specific words used or the decision you make, but I accept your right to choose and I will heal whatever pain is felt, knowing there is actually love behind your words and actions.

I want to see the real you and the situation for what it is…not what I (or you) hope it might be…maybe…someday. I want to know the substance of who you are in this moment. I want to know you at the soul level. We are connected much more than we realize; we share a common Life Force. Truly, we are One. Whatever you say to me, you will hear as well. Your soul will. My heart will. Speak Truth and Principle and Love for one another…and tell me what you want.

Right-Sized Living

Posted on by cmryan

My mind is filled with the anticipation and excitement of an upcoming major life event. It can’t seem to stop the planning so I can sleep. Thus, I am awake once more in the middle of the night. We will soon be moving again – back to a house, a home, where we lived for many years.

We had left the house after extensive remodeling, turning it over to tenants who cared little for its history of projects, care and memories. After only a couple of years’ absence, and not being all that far away, we’ve decided to move back into our family home. It means selling a newer, larger, contemporary living space. It means sorting through boxes that were never unpacked; do we really need this stuff? It means doing all those things that are done when a house is to be prepared for sale at one location and another house is readied for inhabitants that have more possessions now than when they left. The clearing begins.

As the real estate participants and planners get involved in preparing this newer house for sale, my mind is focused on returning to our old home. We’re grateful not to have sold it when we first tried. There was a higher plan for us. We envisioned and discussed many times about moving at least one more time, preparing for those retirement years (should they ever come). Our plan included certain elements for our comfort and safety, size and location. Though about a third smaller in square footage than what we’ve been experiencing recently, there are definite features in the old home that can’t be matched.

Besides practical considerations (cheaper living costs, closer to work), our old home offers an intimacy and coziness that’s recognized by all who enter. It’s like putting on a pair of comfortable slippers after a long day. This home is filled with love and memories of our wedding, anniversaries, birthdays and innumerable holiday celebrations with family and friends. Every room bears signs of artistic effort or the marks of children now grown. The passing of time left its fingerprints on every wall. The gardens are developed and mature. Treasured possessions will find their place once again; the rest will find new homes. While our culture often uses the term “down-sizing” to describe this process, I prefer “right-sized” living.

I once heard the comment (presumably from a Scandinavian source): “Small house, big life.”  The intended meaning was that the smaller the space for collecting possessions or hiding away, the greater the possibility for getting out and experiencing Life!

A new era of “right-sized” living has begun. While the big, modern house is nice and I’m glad I experienced it, I’m ready to go home. I’m excited to get moved in, set up, and re-acquainted with the “old place” once more, feeling confident I won’t be moving again in the foreseeable future. I look forward to releasing what’s no longer needed to create an uncluttered and right-sized living environment. And, I anticipate with great joy the freedom to relax into Life…to know I can travel to foreign countries, have great adventures, meet people around the world…then settle down on my chaise in the silence of the night, and feel the home’s aliveness embrace this happy, sleepy soul. It’s just right!

Conviction

Posted on by cmryan

It is written in the Science of Mind textbook (Ernest Holmes) that “We must not be lukewarm in our conviction. We must know that we know.” (p. 159.4) Whether the conviction relates to our faith or spiritual understanding, or whether it’s about a direction or goal toward which we’re working, conviction is the solid knowing of a truth for our lives. It’s concrete, definite and specific.

Can our convictions be tested? You bet! When new evidence, doubt or confusion arises in the face of what you know (or thought you knew) to be true, this new information may well change (or slightly modify) your conviction. Holmes tells us that “This faith [in God] can exist only in such degree as the conviction is in line with Reality.” (p.285.4)  The foundation upon which you base your conviction or faith must truly be rock solid and steadfast if it is to stand the test of time, doubt, criticism, etc. You can feel conviction when its presence is known; there is absolute clarity in thought and an energy that never diminishes. It is a power of the Universe that can create the unformed through your word.

Recently I was sharing a business concept with a friend of mine, someone I can rely on to be honest, forthright, and diligent in uncovering the pitfalls of an idea, as well as extremely supportive and inspiring in problem-solving issues. She is such a strong and intelligent woman that I often found myself wavering before her questions when I shared a project goal or business dream with her. I easily buckled to her opinion and, on occasion, a dream would fade under her bright light of scrutiny and never come into being…up until now. I’m determined that this dream succeed and so I require someone of her intensity and wisdom to help me see where I haven’t looked deep enough. And she did that for me. Only this time, I have an attitude of gratitude for her special gifts.

My conviction, my faith, in this new dream has been ‘birthing’ itself for more than five years (in my head and heart). The conviction has taken hold and gives me strength to express in words what I see in my mind. Only recently was I moved to start putting my dream down in words, on paper, because, as we know, “…word gives form to the unformed.” (SOM, p.476.2)  The business idea still has much work to be done to achieve success. Other participants must be sought for their expertise. The idea, the words on the paper, can be modified, added, edited, changed, perfected…but my conviction to see it through is palatable. “Just words, without conviction have no power, and just conviction, without words, will never stir up latent energy.” (SOM, p.476.2) Trust me, the stirring has begun!

Behind the idea, the words, and the desire to create this business entity and project, is a power I cannot contain. It is the driving force that has been welling up inside me these many years. It is conviction to this cause, a firm belief in this higher purpose, that this idea will become a Reality in the world. The form will change as it evolves and grows. That is as it should be. “The tree that does not bend with the wind will be broken by the wind.” – Mandarin Chinese proverb.

Although I have  the idea and a plan, I do not know what the final result (Reality) of my dream looks like. It is an exciting time! I only know that it is much bigger than I alone can do. I am grateful for the people it has attracted; their enthusiasm is growing. More will come. But without conviction…the dream, the possibility, the desire to bring this idea into form… it will never become the Reality it has been waiting to be. This I do know!