Tag: gratitude

My name is…and I’m a…

Posted on by cmryan

What do an unkempt yard, garden tools, and a timer have in common? The answer… awareness and inspiration. My time pulling weeds and cleaning up garden debris has brought to the forefront of my awareness an obvious addiction I’ve had for years…perhaps my entire adult life. It’s one that is often welcomed in the professional arena. But before my friends and congregants get too concerned about my problem, let me declare it here and now: I’m a workaholic…on the path to recovery.

During the past two years, I’ve focused on two separate careers. Long hours and extensive commuting have been the priority, excluding me from any kind of real life. Now, having left the distant, full-time office job and turning full-time focus to ministry, teaching and writing while working from home, I’m discovering the challenges of creating my day’s schedule, learning to rest without becoming complacent or distracted (staying motivated), and quieting the voice in my head that constantly tells me I’m not doing enough.

Just recently, I literally forced myself to spend an afternoon on the couch, resting after a busy Sunday morning and watching television with my husband. There was work waiting at my desk (there always is) and projects were clearly visible around the house, in the yard, garage, and especially in my office. The whole time I was on the couch, that ugly voice was whispering how lazy I was….that I wasn’t really tired and didn’t need to sit there…that work – any work – was more important than television (no matter what was on)…that I’d pay for it later…and other things that were much more critical and hurtful. Ego will say whatever it can to keep things static, familiar. It was all I could do to force my restless body to stay seated in the recliner.

I have always known how to work. I learned it at an early age and have been rewarded for my efforts. It’s what I do best. Frankly, resting, taking breaks, or relaxing is where the difficulty lies. Take away my opportunity to work on a project, to solve a problem, to meet a deadline, and it’s like taking away the bottle from an alcoholic or drugs from an addict. In the past, given a choice to work or go to some social event, I’d gladly choose work (in my head). Most always I have two or three or more projects going at the same time. My brain never shuts off and is generally focused on work-related topics. I learned I could rest when the work is done, but it never is. I’d start a 12-Step group in my area, but taking on another task would only add to the problem. (Go to Workaholics-Anonymous.org for symptoms of this addiction.)

As I work on my landscape maintenance projects, something I absolutely love doing, it’s become critical for my health to pace myself. I use a timer…and the “power of an hour.” I give myself one hour each morning to play in the dirt – that’s it. Then I consciously talk myself into cleaning up, putting away the garden tools, bagging up the weeds and yard trash, before going on to the next task (it’s quite a conversation!)…where I set the timer again. If I don’t limit my time in this manner, I have been known to work myself into exhaustion – euphoric with what I’ve visibly accomplished, but unable to move a muscle from all the adrenal push and exhaustion. My body needs the physical exercise and movement, but I don’t need to work myself to death. Yes, it appears I’ve reached bottom.

My ego had been fairly quiet these past two years as I pushed myself through an insane schedule and rationalized it was something I had to do. Now, it’s shouting again. Making the choice to focus on one career and a personal life has not been an easy one for me. I’m seeing me in a glaring light of self-awareness. I’m noticing the difficulty in pacing myself through projects, finding balance on a daily basis, and committing to recovery from this obsessive, addictive behavior. I’ve even begun to set the timer for my rest periods or fun activities, too, so I know when I can get back to work. Baby steps…one day at a time.

I’m ready to enjoy life – every bit of it – family, friends, home, hobbies, fun and relation, time for me, and work – each in its own turn. I’m grateful for all the loving support in this recovery endeavor. It’ll be interest­ing to see who I become through the process. I could go on and on about this, but right now, I’m being called outside to give a six-year-old lessons in tree climbing. See you later.

AAA+

Posted on by cmryan

The title above is not an endorsement for a towing service or an insurance company. It stands today for “Awareness, Acknowledgment, Action. Appreciation.” It is my simple system of up-leveling life and staying in a positive frame of mind, no matter what is going on around you. This “triple-A+” approach is a quick reminder to me of how to stay centered in the affirmative and to keep growing consciously in life.

Awareness. If you don’t pay attention, you won’t know what’s wrong or right in your life and the world around you. Sometimes we need a “wake up call” or to “hit bottom” before our eyes are opened to reality – the “what is” of life without all our subconscious filters distorting the view. For example, we may become aware of a certain limitation (physical, mental, emotional, financial, etc.) that keeps us from pursuing some particular goal or dream. We can either accept that limitation and halt our plans or we can work on changing the limitation to a strength. Being aware is the first step.

Acknowledgment. This part of the formula requires that we are rigorously honest with ourselves. Frankly, if we can’t be truly honest with ourselves, how can we ever be honest with anyone else? I’ve been working on my knowledge and practices in regard to the way I handle my finances. Through my personal studies, I’ve learned that, for many adult years, I spent any extra cash (and often credit) in the same manner I learned in childhood. Only I can make the change and there’s no one else to blame for the financial position in which I place myself. I am responsible. Going along with my husband on a deal that doesn’t really feel good to me…or trying to convince him to agree with one of my unnecessary remodeling projects…involves taking a hard look at MY part in the process. There are always consequences – positive or negative – cause and effect – for every decision.

Action. Once I’m aware of my pursuit or challenge and acknowledge what part I play in the process, then it’s time to take action. This means I actually DO something about it! I don’t just sit back and complain how unfair life is or blame another because it’s not as easy as it “should be.” Stop “should-ing” on yourself. Making a “To Do” list, remodeling blueprint or financial plan is an action step. Saving 10 cents of every dollar for retire­ment is an action step. Weeding one section of the garden each day is an action step. Do what you can with what you have to work with. Procrastination gets you nowhere.

Appreciation.  Step back and appreciate how far you’ve come…this day, this week, this year or even this decade. My husband and I recently took a quick journey down memory lane and recapped what we’ve accomplished in the past 20 years of our lives. (We’ve been together 17 of them.) It was an amazing realization! If we do that much in the next 20 – holy moly! Actually, we’ll probably do more. Through this review, we came to appreciate each other and our individual selves for the personal growth and accomplishments we have each contributed to our marriage and partnership. The whole is so much greater than the parts, yet the parts are what make the whole!

The “AAA+” approach keeps me on-track toward creating a life I love and can share with others. Use this process, tweak it as you choose. The only way you can lose in the game of Life, is if you don’t play. Never quit! Don’t give up. Keep moving forward. If you’re breathing and thinking, then there’s something you can do. Keep growing.

Good Grief

Posted on by cmryan

I did it! Last week I officially resigned from a “secure” employment position to focus on my ministry and entrepreneurial interests. (Security is a relative term; the company and its employees experienced four lay-offs in less than two years.) I know the timing is perfect for I’ve felt nothing but exhaustion for several days since. There was little physical energy left to continue that insane schedule. However, while I can rationalize or justify the ‘why’ of each emotion or physical feeling, I’ve felt incredible sadness, sleeplessness, and very little motivation to do anything I enjoy…up until now.

I’m convinced that this mix of feelings – mental and physical – is not only a result of the release after working two full-time jobs for nearly two years, but also a form of grief. I have let go a professional role that I have known for more than 30 years. I have supported corporate managers, sales teams, presidents and CEOs. I have provided a set of technical and interpersonal office skills that are not yet developed in the person who just replaced my position. Such development takes time. Fortunately, my skills will always be mine; I can take them with me wherever I go.

In spite of that awareness and the choice I made to leave that job, this is a time to honor the release of a career that, in many ways, I have outgrown. The sadness or grief that has welled up so unexpectedly will pass in time…as does all grief. It is good to experience the low’s so we can better appreciate the high’s. Opposites are a common occurrence in our world. As long as I don’t wallow too long in these lowered feelings, the grief will transform into Good. The mystery is:  into what will it transform? What “phoenix” will arise from the ashes? This is a monumental turning point and one worth remembering!

I have tremendous appreciation for this moment of opportunity…for my husband and partner…for our church congregants and volunteers…for the gifts of talent I have and those yet to discover…for a new career path to fully explore and embrace the Divine. The excitement of creating a larger future, of expressing more of who I am and to serve the world in greater ways, pulls me from this grief to focus on the unlimited possibilities of Life! Where do I start? With gratitude… for all I have and AM in this world, as well as all I AM yet to be.

God is Good…Good is God. And so it is!

Hunger

Posted on by cmryan

I heard an odd sound this morning, something I haven’t experienced for awhile. My stomach grumbled…and not because I was deprived of food in any way.  I wasn’t on a diet of any sort. However, I did notice I was a little hungry. While I was able to quickly satisfy my physical craving for food, it got me thinking about another type of hunger.

You might think of this “hunger” as longing and discontent, a craving for something more, a way to live life more fully, to express more completely as who you are. I live with this desire all the time. I feel constantly pushed by Spirit to discover more of what I can do, what I’m capable of creating and learning and expressing. Sometimes those closest to me shake their heads at all my plans and dreams. They tell me to slow down. Yet, they see only a small part of what is inside me, waiting…growing…visioning. The roots are deep.

The “push” inside of me is not about proving to anyone how much I can do, because frankly, of my own will, I can do nothing. The energy that fills me is Infinite and comes from a Higher Source than that provided through nourishment, muscle or a good night’s sleep. The discontent, expressing less than what I’m capable of, keeps me on-track to explore the limits of my talents, to develop new skills, to serve greater needs, and to dream bigger dreams.

Our arrival to and departure from this physical plane is usually shared with others. Life’s journey is never traveled alone. The soul energy that drives us comes and goes, in and out of this life, without any aid. It guides us, fills us, and every once in awhile, signals a hunger that has not yet been satisfied. I stand at that crossroad.

I’m preparing to embark on a career adventure for which I’m as prepared as I know to be – both as a minister and teacher (with a small but growing congregation), and as an entrepreneur. I have the business knowledge, the education, the licenses, the support of the people involved, and the desire to be more. These are all obvious areas that will be expanded or deepened through time. But there’s more to it than even all of that.

The new roles require my growth in consciousness and trust in the unknown. Unknown relationships. Unknown challenges and successes. Unknown talents as I grow myself (metaphorically) in directions I can’t clearly see right now. I get to put into daily, focused practice (what has only been a part-time effort up until now) the knowledge and wisdom of living as the leader I have craved to demonstrate.

I do not take this opportunity lightly. I cherish this change of professional direction…to create businesses that provide abundant income for life’s goals…to guide and create a strong community of spiritual seekers and students, those who are looking to awaken the discontent in themselves and feed their soul’s hunger…to develop and deepen relationships with family and friends that are uplifting and satisfying…to be all I came to be in this life. I am comforted knowing I will have help from both God and friend. Life’s journey is never traveled alone. Let’s dine together!

Relationships

Posted on by cmryan

It doesn’t matter who you are, where you live, or the life you are creating…you will be in relationship with someone at sometime. Your very life began as a result of the physical relationship of your parents. The end of your life may include the care of those who are not your family. Yet the most important relationship to consider, which you will no doubt reflect upon during your final days if not before, is the one you have with yourself…your human personality or ego self with your spiritual or God-Self.

You are always the common denominator in any relationship of your life. Think about that? In fact, here are a few questions to consider:

  • If you are experiencing negativity or irritation or some other type of low-quality feeling with the majority of the people in your life, is it really them?
  • Would the people in your life be more welcome to you if ALL of them just changed?
  • Or is it your perspective and attitude that needs the adjustment?
  • What is the ‘quality’ of your relationships with others?
  • How do you view yourself?
  • Would you want YOU for a friend?

I am about to leave my place of employment where I’ve been for nearly two years. During this time, I’ve taken little initiative to get to know many of the people here. In fact, far more people know who I am than I do them. Our work tasks do not mingle, we’re on different floors, work different schedules, etc. It is what it is.

On the other hand, of those few people I do know and interact with regularly, the depth of most interactions has been very shallow. We’ve not gone out lunch together or shared a coffee break. Topics of conversation have centered on work or the company the majority of the time. This approach is partly due to the solitary environment in which I’ve been working, as well as my less-than-enthusiastic desire to be here. I am responsible for the way I isolated myself so as not to get too involved, which could have impacted my decision to leave or focus on a new career direction, but resolved an inner conflict I found easier to avoid than to face.

It is only now that, with the decision made to leave and my last day of working here clearly in view, I am taking the time to share of myself and they with me. Oh, what I have missed!  We have shed tears together, shared dreams, told stories, solved world problems, and laughed about so many things. Whether we continue our new, deeper relationships after my departure from this job remains to be seen.   

While I have some regret of not making this effort earlier in my tenure here, I have learned, again, a valuable lesson of living, connecting, and being present in the now moment of livingness…to recognize the preciousness of our earthly relationships and the value they offer to our spiritual consciousness. Whether it be for a moment in the check-out line, daily interaction with the people at work, or how you live with yourself from the inside-out, the quality of your relationships is up to you…and you alone.

 

Thanksgiving and Release

Posted on by cmryan

The last two of the five steps of a spiritual treatment or prayer in the Science of Mind philosophy are “Thanksgiving” (Gratitude) and “Release” (Letting Go). I find myself focusing on gratitude so much lately, caught in a cycle of total appreciation for what I have and what is happening in my life – and then letting it go…releasing the feeling, the moment, the thing that held my attention – so that I can then find gratitude in the next moment or experience. In this way I am able to know an infinite abundance of experiences and gratitude.

As long as I am living, these experiences will not end. As long as I remain in gratitude, having sincere thanksgiving for all I have, learn and experience, the more Good will find me. I’ve written here before about having an “attitude of gratitude.” The reminder is timely, as I prepare to change careers and the focus of my work in just a few weeks. There is no need to wait months or years to see the good; it is clearly present now.

As I prepare to leave the company where I’ve been employed for nearly two years, I am grateful for the time I’ve spent here. Yes, for the salary it’s provided. But mostly for the people I’ve been privileged to meet here (some of whom have already moved on to other jobs). I can see the benefits of having been a part of this company, of what I have learned, and am proud of the projects I’ve created. It was a fair trade. Now I want something more and different than what is available here. No bad feelings. I have grown and so I choose a new direction. And in that, I am grateful that I have such a choice available to me.

I give great thanks for living in a place, a country, where unlimited opportunities abound, whether it be how to earn an income, where to live or go to school, who to marry, how many children to have, where to shop, religious choice, etc.  As I go through my day, no matter where I am or what I am doing, I am constantly reminded of the blessings I have now and have had throughout my life – even those experiences labeled “bad” eventually revealed their benefits.

As I release one prayer of thanks, another takes it place. So, too, as I depart this job, another opportunity will take its place. Spirit loves a void – so it can be filled with something better, something larger, than what was there before. I look forward with grateful anticipation of what will be created next. My life is filled with joy, love, prosperity and so much more! I let go of the past, even a moment ago in time; it can never be saved; never be repeated or lived again. And, once more, I give thanks for such awareness and move into the next moment.

 

After Life…Comes Peace

Posted on by cmryan

I may have captured a glimpse of what the “after life” looks like. No, I didn’t die and come back from the grave. This new perspective actually took place late one evening in my back yard. With it came a rush of peace and calm, recognized but not experienced for quite awhile.

As our small dog bounded from one shadowed bush to another in the full moonlight glow, sniffing for prey, I sat watching her, observing the scene before me, and listening. The gentle breeze rustled leaves and swayed branches of the nearby willow tree. Stars seemed oddly misplaced. The wooden furniture and lawn decorations reflected a glow below the giant white orb in the sky. I can only describe it as a gray light, revealing earthbound objects with dark lines and soft, eerie shapes, as well as identifying the whereabouts of a small dog and scurrying rabbits. Then I noticed the peace.

A calm contentment filled every cell of my being. “This is it,” I mused. “This is what the ‘after-life’ is like.” After the busyness of the day. After the chaos of a longed-for event. After being with many people and their life’s challenges…and mine…this is what final rest must be like. I wondered if after my tired body is no longer needed, perhaps my spirit, my soul, becomes part of this gray light, filling the night with peace simply by being the light. 

I enjoyed my few moments alone in the shimmering shadows. I also happily shared this insight with my husband as he sat down beside me on our wooden bench. As we sat there and shared the final remnants of this late evening moment, I envisioned the two of us together, still holding hands of eternal love and our souls melting together into the silence of the gray light. And I smiled.

Start Where You Are

Posted on by cmryan

Thanks to a daily reading provided earlier this week by Mary Morrissey, the idea of start where you are has been at the forefront of my mind for several days. I think of it as an expansion of “first things first,” “be here now” or “living in the now moment.” Start where you are implies there is something to be done and that you have all the tools you need to begin it.

Let’s say you want to start a meditation practice. You’d really like to spend at least an hour or two a day in total spiritual bliss and prayer, and emerge from the experience as an enlightened giant among men. But you never seem to have that much time to spare in your busy working life and you don’t know what to say. Start where you are. Dedicate just five minutes – in the morning, at night, at lunch, on a break – and begin with what you have. Set a timer if you must; it can help you relax into and focus on the moment. Use the words you know and feel. Prayers coming from the heart are much more powerful anyway. Then watch as you naturally expand the time for this meditation practice, and happily see unrealized benefits in all directions.

Recently I was counseling someone about an experience they were having with a family member. As I listened patiently for the story to be told, I could feel the pain in their words and remembered a similar incident in my own childhood. My intent was to bring unity to this person, their family, and the situation, but how? By the time the tale was told, I found myself sharing what I had done as a child when such a situation occurred in my home (Reading!) …and how I’ve benefited years later. I shared that, although my experience was painful at the time, I discovered my solution empowered me, made me feel good about myself. I found peace in the midst of chaos and a method that has been my comfort to this day. It’s led me to advanced education, writing, teaching and speaking. I started with what I had, what I knew, and built from there. Given the slightest encouragement and support, growth is inevitable!

Whether you are searching for a job, moving your home, changing a habit, helping those less fortunate, or trying to improve relationships, start where you are…it’s all you can or need to do! Tap into that Divine Energy within for strength and courage to put one foot in front of the other and get moving in the direction you have in mind. Build on your intention. What you focus on WILL grow and expand.

You can also start where you are by appreciating what you have to begin with. Gratitude is a key element in attracting ‘more’ into your life…more love, joy, peace, abundance. Just like the mustard seed, growing from its tiny form into a giant tree, you can do anything you truly desire, focus on, and nourish – start where you are!

Right-Sized Living

Posted on by cmryan

My mind is filled with the anticipation and excitement of an upcoming major life event. It can’t seem to stop the planning so I can sleep. Thus, I am awake once more in the middle of the night. We will soon be moving again – back to a house, a home, where we lived for many years.

We had left the house after extensive remodeling, turning it over to tenants who cared little for its history of projects, care and memories. After only a couple of years’ absence, and not being all that far away, we’ve decided to move back into our family home. It means selling a newer, larger, contemporary living space. It means sorting through boxes that were never unpacked; do we really need this stuff? It means doing all those things that are done when a house is to be prepared for sale at one location and another house is readied for inhabitants that have more possessions now than when they left. The clearing begins.

As the real estate participants and planners get involved in preparing this newer house for sale, my mind is focused on returning to our old home. We’re grateful not to have sold it when we first tried. There was a higher plan for us. We envisioned and discussed many times about moving at least one more time, preparing for those retirement years (should they ever come). Our plan included certain elements for our comfort and safety, size and location. Though about a third smaller in square footage than what we’ve been experiencing recently, there are definite features in the old home that can’t be matched.

Besides practical considerations (cheaper living costs, closer to work), our old home offers an intimacy and coziness that’s recognized by all who enter. It’s like putting on a pair of comfortable slippers after a long day. This home is filled with love and memories of our wedding, anniversaries, birthdays and innumerable holiday celebrations with family and friends. Every room bears signs of artistic effort or the marks of children now grown. The passing of time left its fingerprints on every wall. The gardens are developed and mature. Treasured possessions will find their place once again; the rest will find new homes. While our culture often uses the term “down-sizing” to describe this process, I prefer “right-sized” living.

I once heard the comment (presumably from a Scandinavian source): “Small house, big life.”  The intended meaning was that the smaller the space for collecting possessions or hiding away, the greater the possibility for getting out and experiencing Life!

A new era of “right-sized” living has begun. While the big, modern house is nice and I’m glad I experienced it, I’m ready to go home. I’m excited to get moved in, set up, and re-acquainted with the “old place” once more, feeling confident I won’t be moving again in the foreseeable future. I look forward to releasing what’s no longer needed to create an uncluttered and right-sized living environment. And, I anticipate with great joy the freedom to relax into Life…to know I can travel to foreign countries, have great adventures, meet people around the world…then settle down on my chaise in the silence of the night, and feel the home’s aliveness embrace this happy, sleepy soul. It’s just right!

Gratitude

Posted on by cmryan

Many of the prayers Jesus spoke (according to the Bible) began with “thank you.” A prayer of thanks or gratitude is a good practice to follow, especially when life is not manifesting according to plan.

Before I even rise from the bed, I begin my day with the acknowledgement and gratitude of waking up to another day. I breathe. I am alive. There are mornings when I awake in time to see the pink of sunrise or the afterglow of the full moon before the dawn. The exhaustion I felt the night before has been erased and my energy is restored; for that alone I am thankful. Shortly thereafter, I am lovingly served a cup of coffee by my husband and together we share a spiritual reading that gives us a common focus and consideration. I often find it difficult to leave this morning space of sharing, appreciation, and loving companionship.

Whether the day is filled with special tasks, heavy chores, professional responsibilities, or fun activities, you and I get to choose how we will attend to such matters and with what frame of mind. An “attitude of gratitude” can make any situation lighter and your awareness more positive.

The stress of a hard day at the office can be replaced with gratitude for employment. Disgruntled thoughts about a long commute home in the snow quickly disappear when you see a homeless person sleeping on a sidewalk in the midst of winter. The pressure of bills to pay can subside when a paycheck is automatically deposited into your bank account. Feelings of loneliness quickly disappear in the hugs of a grandchild. Even if the starting point of gratitude is being thankful for your breath, for life, for the food you’ve just eaten or the shelter in which you live, it can be enough to change thoughts of lack into appreciation for what exists. Once gratitude is felt and embodied, that feeling of abundance, in its smallest form, can magnify what is present and attract even more Good into your life.

Meister Eckhart is credited with saying that, if the only prayer we ever said was “thank you” – that would be enough. I say, he’s right. There’s far too much complaining going on. I know I must be constantly vigilant in this matter. It’s time to appreciate all we have in our lives – past, present, and future possibilities. Every moment is the right time to express sincere gratitude. And in so doing, watch and experience our worlds attract greater good and expand beyond our wildest imaginings!

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!