Tag: decision

Discriminating Ideas

Posted on by cmryan

I recently saw a film about a well-known American baseball player in the 1940’s. It depicted the challenges of and racism toward a black athlete entering a strictly white sports team. Some parts of the movie were difficult to watch because the hatred was so clearly portrayed. It didn’t seem to matter to the team’s other players that this rookie was a phenomenal athlete or that the team’s improved standings as a result of his playing would benefit all of them. At least…not a first.

Eventually, much of the initial bigotry and prejudice amongst team members subsided, thanks to a forward-thinking team owner. The ideas associated with general racial discrimination became more specific over time. They became more discriminating about their discrimination. What an idea!

I find it interesting that two words, so similar in form, can be so different in meaning. Discrimination has synonyms like: bias, favoritism, prejudice, bigotry and intolerance. Discriminating, on the other hand, uses words like: sharp, astute, selected, perspective and discerning. Except for the positioning of the final two letters of each word, they’re identical. So where is all this going?

Any discrimination I have faced in life has not been racially based. Religious, yes. Gender, yes. Economic, yes. Nationality, yes. As a result, those experiences have made me more discriminating, whether I’m close to someone or not. For example, I’ve felt the pangs of religious discrimination from family members; it can come from anywhere. That experience had a significant influence on my efforts today to warmly welcome everyone who chooses to explore New Thought teachings and, in particular, our Spiritual community and church.

Much Good for my personal and Spiritual growth has resulted from those past hurts. I am…

  • more selective about what I share about myself or when I voice my opinion. I don’t need to comment on everything.
  • diligent in keeping an open or objective perspective about the world, to be more accepting of people as they are…neutral, non-judgmental. (It takes a little more effort and sharp focus when the people are closer to you in relationship. )
  • able to separate the person (that child of God) from their misbehavior, which has allowed me to practice forgiveness more readily.
  • an astute observer, noticing details about a person’s words, body movements, voice tone, or other communication methods.  As I really see people, I’m able to notice their vulnerability, their authentic Self, and offer compassion and kindness that connects us at a heart-level, a soul-level, where we recognize we are all part of that Divine Oneness.

These are discriminating ideas that I offer to you now as well. If we were to hone our discriminating skills, using the four bullet points above, we might never experience discrimination again. Think about it. Isn’t it about time?

 

Decadent Self-Care (a Spiritual practice, I’m sure of it)

Posted on by cmryan

LIst_todoI’ve gotten a little behind in my self-assigned tasks. I keep track of things like that. Lists help. There’s no one to blame and I’m not feeling all that guilty, either. The truth is I’m starting to experience a more balanced life (a Spiritual practice) and schedule, including having some creative/hobby time, recreational activities, and feeling rested. This can be attributed, in part, to the fact that we bought a new bed… actually two. Let me explain how it’s impacting my schedule…in a very positive way.

My husband and I will celebrate …[getting calculator]…16 years of marriage in a couple of months. The very first piece of furniture we bought together back then was an Amish oak, Mission-style queen bed frame and mattress set. Mattresses come and go, but the bed frame has been a centerpiece in our marital life. We bought it together and, like our relationship, it is strong, secure, and will last for many, many years.  Our sleeping habits, on the other hand, have changed since the honeymoon.

This awareness came unexpectedly a couple of months ago during a period of illness – we both came down with the flu and chose to sleep in separate beds until our fevers and coughs subsided enough so we could sleep together again. I wasn’t hit with the virus as hard as my husband was, so I chose to sleep in the guest room and use a small, twin bed we had placed there.

The experience made me realize how small a twin bed had become since my childhood days.  However, sleeping alone on a twin bed actually gave me more space than being crowded over to the edge of a queen bed. I took measurements. The twin mattress was 36 inches wide. I made comparisons. A regular twin is normally 39 inches wide or about one-half the size of a king bed, which ranges from 76 to 80 inches wide. Our queen bed mattress is 60 inches.

I’d become accustomed to being in about one-third of our mattress space during the past few years. I don’t call it sleeping – not really. Between our snoring contests, blanket-tugging wars, and my hot flashes, sleep had become something I did for two or three hours at the most, wake up for awhile, and start again. Not a lot of “rest” in there, but the disturbances had become the norm. Then I got to experience a full 36 inches of mattress – all to myself – and I began to notice how deeply I slept and how refreshed I was the next day, barring the flu symptoms. I recovered rapidly and I began formulating a plan. No longer would I be happy with 20 inches of sleeping space for the rest of my life. Changes were about to be made.

new_bed_021913I had all the measurements of various bed sizes. We visited a couple of stores to test out different mattress styles and sizes. I presented an idea to my dear husband, and after lengthy consideration over a period of weeks, we purchased TWO full-size mattress sets – one of his choice and one of mine – and placed them side-by-side in our bedroom. Now we each have our “own” bed with 54 inches of space to roll around in…108 inches of total AWESOME and decadent self-care! (again, Spiritual – I’m sure of it!)

I have been sleeping more soundly than I have in years. If a hot flash warrants blanket fanning, I know it won’t wake up my snoring husband…and he’s so far away on the other side of the bed acreage, that I don’t hear him that much anyway. We reach out our hands (or a foot) across the sheet to validate the presence of the other, comforted in knowing our loved one is near, peacefully sleeping close by, sort of.  It sure beats sleeping in separate rooms (as we’ve heard older folks sometimes do in their maturing years).

While we still need to work on further customizing comforters and headboards, we look forward to early bedtimes and sleeping later whenever we can. We’re thinking about moving a coffee pot upstairs, too. It won’t be long before this bedroom suite beats any 5-star hotel. I’m sure there are plenty of other features and décor items we can add to make it a place to spend the weekend (or at least a long Saturday morning). I think I’ll sleep on it for awhile.

Claiming My Space – Declaring My Place

Posted on by cmryan

I can finally see my office floor! For several months my desk has been surrounded by piles of boxes, files, photo albums, and years of memorabilia. Until recently, I had been slow to unpack, sort, shred, or move the contents of these boxes to where they belonged. However, after I made the commitment to our church’s women’s group, the accountability and deadline I imposed on myself put me into high gear and, with the help of my daughter, I finally claimed my office space as my own.

Little did I know how much I would appreciate opening up the center space and reviewing my possessions, which had been stuck in boxes for so many years. Journals by the dozens, 35mm slides of people I don’t remember from a past photography class, a couple of books I wrote and have yet to publish, and so much more. I shredded bags of old documents that no longer matter. Empty boxes flew out the door as file drawers received their contents. There is much that still needs sorting, but at last there is space…for me.

I feel very fortunate to have a dedicated space of my own and one finally large enough to contain the busyness of my life – past and present interests. It wasn’t that the space hadn’t been there before. It was. I just hadn’t claimed it for myself. And I realize I’ve done that a lot to myself…in the past…up until now. Once I declared a place for myself, my husband and I agreed to plans that benefited both of us and arrangements were made for everything to come into being. It was a relatively simple process; one that I had not bothered to pursue before. I am now taking this experience, this lesson, into other areas of my life.

Part of the delay to take care of myself in this manner, I’m sure, comes from a lifelong practice of taking care of everyone else first. As the “oldest” sibling, as a mother, and even now as a grandmother, plus the type of service-oriented careers I’ve had, created a mindset in me of being more concerned for everyone else’s needs before my own. To do otherwise seemed selfish…up until now. In fact, just the opposite has occurred.

The better I take care of myself, similar to the airline’s example of putting on my own oxygen mask first, the better I can tend to the needs of others. When I declare my place in the world – my world – there are times when I am first and times when I’m not, depending on the situation. However, there is no reason to put myself last in every situation. Thus, I’ve not only claimed my office space, I’m also claiming time to take diligent care of myself…to enjoy my creative hobbies…to visit with family and friends…to take a break or a nap when I feel the need…to engage in work that fills my heart and soul with joy and enthusiasm…to enjoy the NOW moment every day…to share the love for life!

In the process of changing past priorities, I’ve discovered a lightness to living and the ability to be truly authentic. I’m rediscovering who I am on so many levels. As I learn to love myself better, as a precious child of the Divine, there is room in my life and my heart to connect more deeply with others. Now THAT is truly being of service!

5 Bags of Clarity to Lift the Soul

Posted on by cmryan

It’s not often that I do yard clean-up in late January, especially in Colorado. Time and circumstances as they were this week, I was able to rake and trim one day, then shovel snow the next. I’ve missed doing such yard work in the past couple of years. But based on the accumulation of leaves and debris left behind by former tenants, it won’t be long before I get my quotient filled.

Whenever I spend time raking, collecting, and gathering leaves, it’s very therapeutic for me…even meditative. My hands are busy and productive doing this physical labor. My mind vacillates between planning the day’s “to do” list, listening for Spirit’s direction, and just enjoying the silence between thoughts.

On this particular day my thoughts focused primarily on insights I had received earlier that morning. I have been praying for clarity for several weeks. I am ready to accept direction and purpose for my life, specifically in regard to intellectual projects that have been drifting through my mind for years. Like the layers of leaves and debris I was now raking, I am ready to tidy up and simplify a myriad of ideas, projects, and career directions.

By the time I completed the small front yard project, I had collected five large bags of plant debris. I had also created titles for five key writing projects and identified my role in developing five separate income streams. Spirit definitely likes a void! Clean out the old and the Divine Creator will fill it up with better and more! My prayers had finally been answered: I had clarity.

While it might seem that I’ve only made more work for myself, none of the new writing projects or financial sources needs to be created today or even simultaneously. Identifying and writing them down gives me structure, comfort, direction, and focus for the long-term. Frankly, the creation of one supports the life of another. For example, writing and publishing a book establishes an author, just as doing research for my doctorate will require some travel/vacation time with my husband.

I’m not ready to establish schedules or timelines for completing these lists of five. Several of them are already in various stages of progress. However, I find satisfaction in recognizing that I’ve been moving forward in their creation for many years, and that continuing on this track – albeit with more clarity – will keep me occupied for years to come. I find that having direction brings me incredible comfort and motivation. I absolutely know that focused intention will accelerate a successful completion of each treasured purpose.

Just for today…I turn my attention to finally cleaning up my office. I discard everything that no longer serves my highest vision and purpose. I make space for organizing future endeavors. And I welcome into my consciousness the peace and joy and uplifting energy of expressing my life to its fullest possibilities. With God as my partner, I cannot fail!

 

Inspired to Co-Create

Posted on by cmryan

A seed of an idea sprouted in my mind several years ago and finally grew into form earlier this week: the creation of a spiritually-based women’s group that supports one another in their pursuit to be successful in whatever endeavor they wish to pursue…especially financial success. That group met for the first time a few days ago.

I’m grateful to see this initial meeting take place. I was inspired not only by the positive energy and the number of women present, but also by their high level of interest and active participation in the meeting’s activities. I look forward to our supporting each other, learning and growing together.

The visible success of our initial meeting validated that the timing was right for a group like this. Apparently, I was not the only one seeking ideas on the professional path, starting a business, handling personal finances at a higher level of expertise, or in need of a “sisterhood.” We were, are, able to connect at a spiritual and intellectual level that will support our adventures in life’s realm. We’re up and running!

The inspiration I felt during that meeting followed me home, kept me awake most of the night, and got me up with renewed enthusiasm to meet the morning. It has been filling me with confidence and determination to focus on a bright and growing financial future. My brain has been going non-stop as I consider the possibilities before me. The insights and honest suggestions shared at the meeting, and with friends since then, give me courage to make adjustments in my daily work schedule right now that will offer me greater life balance overall in a short time as well as long-term.

One of the aspects of making immediate and significant changes in my professional and financial directions, and sharing my commitments with the group, is how I must become accountable for my plans and actions. In fact, being more accountable is one of the key components and appeal for creating this women’s group. No more wiggling out of something you said you were going to do. When you share your intentions with someone(s) who writes it down, and follows up to see if you did what you said you were going to do, you’re more likely to actually do it. It’s the step beyond just saying it or writing down your goals. Yes, it’s important to do those tasks, too. Do whatever it takes to keep yourself on-track, motivated, and focused.

Did I mention I was excited about this process? Can you tell I’m inspired by the new mutual support that’s developing? I also am excited and inspired to see what I can co-create with God as my partner…and what Spirit will unfold in each area of my life to which I bring focus. I’m inspired to support the dreams of the other women in whatever way I can. Life is going to a whole new height!  

Did I mention I was excited?

Deciding Long-Term

Posted on by cmryan

Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever get ‘it’ all down…how to live this thing called Life successfully enough that I don’t need to have so many do-over’s or RE-awakenings. Like making decisions. I make several a day: what to eat or wear; which project to work on first; scheduling appointments, what music or movie to enjoy, etc. I’m grateful that I get to choose such things for my life. These types of decisions don’t have major significant consequences, but there are others that do…others that have long-term effects.

What I’ve been RE-awakened to are some decisions I made several years ago that seemed insignificant at the time. This has to do with my landscape plans and the large trees I decided to plant. When the trees went in I knew full well how large they could get, how wide they would be, and how and where their deep roots might grow and wander. The thing is I had no plans to be living on this property by the time they became a concern. Well, plans change and here I am, facing the consequences of my former landscape decisions.

In the Science of Mind textbook (p. 388.4) Ernest Holmes writes: “And so we prepare not to die, but to live.” This now is a great reminder about what perspective to have when making decisions of any kind, but especially long-term ones.

Had I made my previous tree-planting decisions with the thought of being the person who would now be trimming, or even eliminating, one large tree (and several smaller ones), I definitely would have made different choices. One of the key influences to my decision-making process is that, up until recent months, I moved homes every two to four years. Sometimes, I moved more often than that. The idea of living in one place long enough to actually watch a tree mature and become a nuisance was entirely foreign to me. Now, it’s rather comforting to imagine that possibility.

I have this vision of growing ancient in this home…of tending gardens and planting perennials… of building sandboxes and playing with many grandchildren on the swing set of our children… of hearing each floor squeak get louder each winter… of crafting from piles of endless stored supplies… of actually sitting on the front deck to watch the sunrise in the summer… and a myriad of other activities as the years float by. With such a vision before me, the decisions I make now are for the long-term. Thus, they are made with greater forethought and consideration than in years past… the way I wished I had made them to begin with when I planted all these trees.

I will make a formal amends to the trees that now must be cut down to stop the damage to my home’s roof and foundation. And I’ve learned to make better choices in every area of my life as a result of this experience… as some decisions are certain to outlive my mortal body. For now, I “…prepare not to die, but to live” a long, healthy and wisdom-filled life.

Stay-cation: Plan A or Plan B?

Posted on by cmryan

It’s no surprise to my family how difficult it is for me to take time off. And then there’s the insane process of ‘preparing’ to take time off…what I call “working at pre-vacation speed.” I don’t like catching up; I’d rather be proactive and do as much ahead of time so my return from holiday is at a relatively normal pace (whatever normal is at the time). Thus, by the time vacation comes, I’m truly ready!

My psyche gets a little confused over the whole stay-cation concept though. The idea of staying at home and not really doing anything is so foreign an idea that I’ve had to make some adjustments to the term. I can do day-trips, and then stay here at night, using my home like I would a hotel. I would need to leave very early in the day with a destination planned to encourage my departure. Otherwise, I know what I’ll do…start puttering around, picking up things, fixing projects, sitting down at my computer, etc. Before long, the day is over and I’ve not really experienced the activity I had intended. You can see my dilemma. Obviously the work-aholic issue is alive and present.

With regard to making plans, one tip I received long ago has come in handy in many situations. Make your first activity (Plan A) something you want to do, something you would enjoy and that feels like a worthwhile endeavor. Then also formulate a “Plan B” – an activity of equal or greater interest such that if “Plan A” didn’t work out, you wouldn’t feel at all disappointed. In fact, you might even secretly prefer that “Plan A” failed so you COULD do “Plan B.”

It’s a bit of an insane idea, psyching yourself out of wanting to do the first thing so you can do the second and have more fun, yet still feeling good about failing at the first option not working out to be able to enjoy the second. Make sense? For example, if…

  • “Plan A” is to secretly hide away at home for three days with my husband so we can re­organize my office and finally get it functional and beautiful so I’m happy to be there every day, maybe get done quickly enough that we could do one or two of the things below
  • …or…
  • “Plan B” is (forget the office) just go off on daytrips with my husband, seeing local sights we’ve talked about, doing short hikes and café lunches, visiting places where we’d like to do dedicated retreats, watching a movie during the day or reading a book in the sunshine at a park

…I have some inner conflict between these two options. Each one would be fun for me! Each option leaves me satisfied. But this stay-cation isn’t about just me. The above plans have been discussed with my husband and somewhat laid out. I’m willing to turn over this challenging decision to him and go with the flow, knowing either option will bring happiness to my life. Who would have thought it would be so complicated to want to get away from work?

Won’t it be interesting to see how it all turns out?

Stay and Grow

Posted on by cmryan

I recently watched a movie (The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel) that had a profound impact on me. It initiated a discussion with my husband in which I became aware of hidden beliefs about where to live that even I had not recognized before. While it is not the desire of either of us to move to India, moving homes has come rather easily to me. My best estimate is that I have lived in at least 47 locations (homes) throughout my life. I’ve never regarded any of them as a permanent residence, including my current home…up until now. And THAT realization is a bit unsettling for several reasons.

I realized most of my life has been built on chaos and transition, always looking forward to a better job, a better marriage, a nicer place to live, more time for me, always striving for improvement, etc. I’ve spent years examining my beliefs about most of these issues and applied various methods to resolve them. 

  • First, I’m happy to say this is the BEST marriage of my life – the most fulfilling and the longest! What has been key for us is having a spiritual base in common and lots of honest and respectful communication.
  • Second, the job as a minister is the most satisfying career for me, utilizing all the skills and experiences gained in every position previous to this one…yet providing ample opportunity for personal and spiritual growth. I love what I do!
  • Next, by addressing my workaholic tendencies, I now create time to do things I enjoy without the guilt; taking mini-breaks throughout the day (e.g., lunch on the deck); even taking one day off each week (hey, it’s a start). In the process, I’m actually getting more done than I was before.
  • Lastly, my house is a work-in-progress…like me. The house has been my primary artistic expression for the past 15 years. It inspires me. And I’m more ‘me’ here than anywhere else. We got married in this house, watched our kids grow up here, and modified parts of it to meet our particular needs and space requirements. I also really like living within walking distance to the center of our small town.

So why my distress over whether to move or not…yet again? What I recognized is that I have held the belief that in order to “grow” into the person I am to become, I need to expand in the physical realm as well – like a larger house or in a location with acres of woods and walking trails where I can contemplate with God. Where did THAT come from? Simply… race consciousness… comparing to others. Enough already.

I’m ready to stop the transitory lifestyle and mental chaos, the endless search through real estate ads for the “perfect place” that will never match up to what I already have and now truly appreciate. It’s time to unpack my office boxes, hang the towel bars and the photographs, organize the nightstand, and create my own personal space because finally I recognize that I’m worthy of having it. Some might call this putting down roots. True. This feels good… resolved… and is how to truly grow strong and confident in one’s own abilities.

No matter how many times I’ve gone away, I’ve always wanted to return here…to THIS house. I’m grateful we listened to the Spiritual voice that nudged us back to this place, one of creativity, security and love… my home. Now I can focus on what really needs to change and grow – me.

Time for Action!

Posted on by cmryan

Have you ever heard of analysis paralysis? It’s when you’re so entrenched in research, analyzing, comparing, judging options, etc. that you can’t make a decision. You don’t think you know enough to do the next correct thing. So you don’t decide on an action step. You just keep collecting information. The thing is, if you make a decision – your best one possible – and then move forward into action, you will actually gain more insight and experience to move forward in your plan, adjusting and adapting as you go along.

I have another one for you to consider: education hesitation. This is similar to the above immobilizing phrase, but in a different sense. It has to do with the beliefthat…if you only had a little more education or went to a few more workshops or took additional retreats or met with a couple more experts/authors…then you would have what it takes to fill the role you say you want. Education hesitation comes from a sense of insecurity that you don’t quite know enough YET to be the person to do the job or start that business. It’s a way to hide out from really interacting with the world–just keep going to school. How do I know this? I used to do it. Thus, I can easily recognize it in those around me.

There’s a colloquial saying that states: “Sh*t or get off the pot.” It means stop avoiding what you say you want to do; make a decision and show some action toward your intended goal. There have been times when I wanted to make that statement to a friend or two…when they tell me of yet ANOTHER class they need to take before they can do whatever. But I’m trying to demonstrate patience and nonjudgment, so I stay quiet. Up until now.

Yes, it’s good to do research…to make an educated decision. Everyone should commit to “due diligence” when making a major change in life. Then, when you’ve discovered all you can, for now, move forward! Have Faith and Trust. Know that you’ll make some mistakes along the way. The truth is you will never know EVERYTHING there is to know about anything. Accept that and act anyway! There will always be something more to learn, one more perspective to consider, one additional piece of information to be found. If you wait until you think you know it all – if you hesitate too long – the opportunity to experience your heart’s desire may be gone before you get to live it. You will actually learn a great deal more by living in the role or situation than just reading about it. I’m a prime example of education hesitation.

Even though I spent numerous years obtaining a bachelor degree and later a masters, while putting in 25 years or so in corporate administrative support, working for high-level executives and gleaning whatever management tips and absorbing words of wisdom they were willing to share…then nearly six years as a church administrator, as well as simultaneously studying to be a minister…nothing is so eye-opening as to actually BE in the senior leadership role I am now blessed to experience…to live and do and be.

All of those prior experiences were invaluable; they helped prepare me – to some degree. Yet, I learn something more EVERY DAY that didn’t come from a research paper or a class or even a former job. Stepping into this role has allowed me to grow intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, in relationship with others, and in ways I never could have imagined. Yes, I make mistakes. I adjust and regroup on occasion. I might even take a step back, move in a different direction, make amends, or read another book. But I keep moving forward and upward in my own evolution. I wouldn’t trade that for all the research documentation in the world!

I rarely give advice to anyone. Today is an exception: Get off the pot! Don’t let education hesitation keep you from becoming the fullest expression your soul came here to be. Start living the dream you claim is yours!

 

Catch-Up…or Not

Posted on by cmryan

Ever since we moved back to our family home earlier this year, there has been a line of boxes waiting to be emptied. One room after another, items have been put away, given away, or tossed away. The artwork is finally going up on the walls. The heavier drapes are being hung in time for the cool nights of autumn. Life’s activities continue one day after the other amidst a stack of this or pile of that. Still, some boxes remain, with contents patiently awaiting a return to usefulness or the trash bin.

Occasionally I declare that it would only take a few days to “catch up” with all of it and things would be back to normal…that I would no longer need to look at these cardboard containers stacked around my office. When I tried that approach – taking a couple of days to unpack files into drawers, books unto shelves, and knick-knacks into corners – the other part of my life fell into panic…the deadlines and projects that I needed to pay attention to came due with amazing speed and stress. I traded one irritation for another.

The truth is, this IS normal…for as long as I can remember. There have always been boxes sitting around in some corner, filled with memories…numerous photograph albums, school papers, childhood gifts, and tidbits from relationships. Throwing these things away seems sacrilegious – all are parts of me. But every once in awhile, when we move or I need to get to something in the far back corner under the bottom of the pile, I’ll look through a box and determine that at least SOME item is no longer necessary to whom I’ve become. I’ll toss it into the wastebasket or ask one of my adult children if they want it. They never do. Why would they?

Frankly, I’ve come to accept that there is no “catch up” either. Time is time. We can’t save it up to use it later. We can only spend it as we live each day…fixing meals, working, hanging pictures, creating art or crafts, playing with grandchildren, working, visiting with friends, sleeping, driving, cleaning, recreation, working, studying, reading, writing, working, etc. (If you’ve followed this blog, you already know that, for me, working is a priority.) But sometimes I can empty a box or two.

I think the reason I resist the boxes is because of their contents. I want to explore each container indepth…look at each piece of paper to determine its value…fondly remember the goings on in my life at the time the item was gifted to me and by whom…make sure I throw nothing away that I’ll regret  later for having done so. No one can really assist me in this process. It’s a solitary endeavor. I’m the only one who can decide what stays and what goes…or how important that piece of paper is to my current existence. For example, reviewing the several small boxes of greeting cards received for all those special occasions during the past few decades from my loved ones. My husband has his own collection, too. We finally agreed that maybe it would be okay to reduce our “collections” and keep only a few of the most precious of these cards…when we have the time to look at them.

I know, eventually, all this will get sorted out. I’d just like to do it while I’m the one still making the decisions and so my children don’t get stuck with it. However, it’s not ALL going to happen today. And for now, I’m okay with that.