Tag: consciousness

A Full & Temporary Life

Posted on by cmryan

My husband just returned from several weeks of traveling overseas for business. It was sometimes a challenge to connect by computer video call or telephone due to the time differences. But we managed to succeed. The brief video calls we shared, so filled with laughter and love, will always be part of my memory. I discovered that, even during bouts of loneliness, I could function and even be happy in this temporary single life.

The thing is, you can’t catch up on the time apart. It’s in the past…spent…gone. What you CAN do is appreciate every moment in the NOW…the present and active experience in which you find yourself.

So I took the opportunity to visit my son and his family in another state – road trip – bringing with me my daughter and her children. The family gathering of siblings and grandchildren, dogs and air mattresses, preparing evening meals and impromptu fun activities with the kids, brought with the chaos a memory of my own childhood and a large family. I felt comfortable in the chaos and activity of multiple lives all buzzing around in one house. However, we all agreed and appreciated that this was only a temporary living arrangement; not one that we wanted to reinstate.

The day before my husband’s return home I had the pleasure of visiting with two of my dear and long-time friends, spending several hours with each of them in turn. One travels often for business; the other will soon be moving to another state. It wasn’t that we needed to catch up on each other’s lives or relive days gone by; it was more a time to go deeper into life’s meanings, challenges, and sharing solutions to problems that we’d discovered or found helpful. Spending time together like this is a temporary experience to be savored in the present moment.

All life is temporary. Each experience…idea…job…home…relationship…your body… season…a moment of connection…is either evolving into something deeper or transitioning, coming and going in cycles through a lifetime. Even our memories of the experiences are temporary and often uncertain. The other person may not get that same sentiment from the same physical experience. Yet, at the soul level, somewhere deep within each of us, we have connected in consciousness, in that moment.

My memory is important only to me; yours to you…yet we often want to hold on and relive it in our minds or try to recapture or re-enact the experience. It’s never the same, not really. Time has passed; it’s over. Living in the past robs us of real present-moment experiences or appreciating a significant and meaningful future.

This NOW, this temporary moment, this present experience is where our attention is needed. It’s all we have. It’s where we create the life we live. If we can pay attention, be mindful, of what is before us, we will live with such fullness that loneliness or separation will find no room in our heart or mind. Instead, we will be filled with the contentment of a lifetime of joyful experiences; each one fully appreciated, fully lived, and fully loved.

Getting Satisfaction

Posted on by cmryan

I love working with my hands. Always have. It allows me to express artistically and it doesn’t matter the project. I can find satisfaction in any form and endeavor.

I enjoy the physical demands of gardening and transforming a landscape with my ideas and suitable plants. I’m in absolute bliss by the smell of fresh cut wood and sawdust. I’m delightfully challenged by the intricacy of tile cutting and then grouting them into walls or floors. I can spend hours in the store touching fabrics, selecting patterns, and then creating fashion and home décor projects. My latest hand-oriented interests include stringing beads into jewelry and fashion, decluttering, organizing, installing shelves, and eliminating life’s excess possessions, as well as lots of writing and computer work. As each project is completed, new inspirations take their place. Every one brings its own level of satisfaction and growth.

Levels of satisfaction vary in their intensity. It could be as subtle as an approving glance and a smile as you walk through your freshly-painted room. It may be sitting at the edge of a weed-free flower bed as you breathe in the wet dirt and the scent of freshly mowed grass. Perhaps you stack, re-sort and re-organize (over several hours) the garage contents on newly installed shelves, to visualize all the possible arrangements. Other displays of personal satisfaction and contentment range from fluffing pillows a dozen times in a newly decorated room… to pushing the computer’s ENTER key when an article is ready for publication… to supporting a friend through a tough challenge… to dragging a family member into a room to look at your latest organizational endeavor.

Whether you have a desire to tackle mountainous goals in business… live in service to others…  create artistic forms…  or learn how to simply be still in the silence for five minutes…  it can happen – one step at a time. Yes, you CAN get satisfaction from the simplest things in life to the most challenging. And it looks different to each of us.

I believe satisfaction, true contentment, is simply feeling peaceful, knowing you gave it your best effort in this particular time and place with all the skills you have right now. It’s becoming your fullest and best YOU in each moment. It’s that quiet happiness that wells up from deep within and just fills your entire being from the inside out. Your mind and body radiate with light and love – the love of God in expression as you with all your talents and creativity, all your mistakes and corrections, all your confidences and insecurities. This unlimited Divine Love doesn’t judge and It never ends. It is complete within Itself…gentle and supportive, encouraging and uplifting. God requires nothing from you…ever.

I love working with my hands and the peace it brings to my life. It allows me to witness my spiritual growth in an outward manner. I get to become Love…and connect with God in a very personal way. Sigh. As soon as I hit the ENTER key, I think I’ll just sit here for awhile…and smile.

Good Grief

Posted on by cmryan

I did it! Last week I officially resigned from a “secure” employment position to focus on my ministry and entrepreneurial interests. (Security is a relative term; the company and its employees experienced four lay-offs in less than two years.) I know the timing is perfect for I’ve felt nothing but exhaustion for several days since. There was little physical energy left to continue that insane schedule. However, while I can rationalize or justify the ‘why’ of each emotion or physical feeling, I’ve felt incredible sadness, sleeplessness, and very little motivation to do anything I enjoy…up until now.

I’m convinced that this mix of feelings – mental and physical – is not only a result of the release after working two full-time jobs for nearly two years, but also a form of grief. I have let go a professional role that I have known for more than 30 years. I have supported corporate managers, sales teams, presidents and CEOs. I have provided a set of technical and interpersonal office skills that are not yet developed in the person who just replaced my position. Such development takes time. Fortunately, my skills will always be mine; I can take them with me wherever I go.

In spite of that awareness and the choice I made to leave that job, this is a time to honor the release of a career that, in many ways, I have outgrown. The sadness or grief that has welled up so unexpectedly will pass in time…as does all grief. It is good to experience the low’s so we can better appreciate the high’s. Opposites are a common occurrence in our world. As long as I don’t wallow too long in these lowered feelings, the grief will transform into Good. The mystery is:  into what will it transform? What “phoenix” will arise from the ashes? This is a monumental turning point and one worth remembering!

I have tremendous appreciation for this moment of opportunity…for my husband and partner…for our church congregants and volunteers…for the gifts of talent I have and those yet to discover…for a new career path to fully explore and embrace the Divine. The excitement of creating a larger future, of expressing more of who I am and to serve the world in greater ways, pulls me from this grief to focus on the unlimited possibilities of Life! Where do I start? With gratitude… for all I have and AM in this world, as well as all I AM yet to be.

God is Good…Good is God. And so it is!

Relationships

Posted on by cmryan

It doesn’t matter who you are, where you live, or the life you are creating…you will be in relationship with someone at sometime. Your very life began as a result of the physical relationship of your parents. The end of your life may include the care of those who are not your family. Yet the most important relationship to consider, which you will no doubt reflect upon during your final days if not before, is the one you have with yourself…your human personality or ego self with your spiritual or God-Self.

You are always the common denominator in any relationship of your life. Think about that? In fact, here are a few questions to consider:

  • If you are experiencing negativity or irritation or some other type of low-quality feeling with the majority of the people in your life, is it really them?
  • Would the people in your life be more welcome to you if ALL of them just changed?
  • Or is it your perspective and attitude that needs the adjustment?
  • What is the ‘quality’ of your relationships with others?
  • How do you view yourself?
  • Would you want YOU for a friend?

I am about to leave my place of employment where I’ve been for nearly two years. During this time, I’ve taken little initiative to get to know many of the people here. In fact, far more people know who I am than I do them. Our work tasks do not mingle, we’re on different floors, work different schedules, etc. It is what it is.

On the other hand, of those few people I do know and interact with regularly, the depth of most interactions has been very shallow. We’ve not gone out lunch together or shared a coffee break. Topics of conversation have centered on work or the company the majority of the time. This approach is partly due to the solitary environment in which I’ve been working, as well as my less-than-enthusiastic desire to be here. I am responsible for the way I isolated myself so as not to get too involved, which could have impacted my decision to leave or focus on a new career direction, but resolved an inner conflict I found easier to avoid than to face.

It is only now that, with the decision made to leave and my last day of working here clearly in view, I am taking the time to share of myself and they with me. Oh, what I have missed!  We have shed tears together, shared dreams, told stories, solved world problems, and laughed about so many things. Whether we continue our new, deeper relationships after my departure from this job remains to be seen.   

While I have some regret of not making this effort earlier in my tenure here, I have learned, again, a valuable lesson of living, connecting, and being present in the now moment of livingness…to recognize the preciousness of our earthly relationships and the value they offer to our spiritual consciousness. Whether it be for a moment in the check-out line, daily interaction with the people at work, or how you live with yourself from the inside-out, the quality of your relationships is up to you…and you alone.

 

Placeholder

Posted on by cmryan

Within the past couple of days, one word has repeatedly appeared in conversation – placeholder. As I witnessed the repetition of this term, my mind started paying attention to its meaning or alternative meanings. The online dictionaries define it as “words that can refer to objects or people, whose names are unknown or irrelevant” or “a symbol in a mathematical or logical expression that may be replaced by the name of any element of a set.” I began wondering why this felt so significant to me. And then I knew!

First, some background is in order. The first conscious awareness of this word’s importance was at my place of work, regarding the holding of a spot on a website so that documents could later be inserted in the proper order. Next, as my husband and I were reflecting on our recent house move, leaving one home of two years to return to where we’ve lived for over 20 years, it seemed as if the temporary residence never even happened. It was rather a surreal adventure. We were just a “placeholder,” occupying the address until the next residents arrived at the house we no longer desired. We had appreciated our time there; life was full and active. We grew in consciousness, maturity and wisdom. Then it was time to move on, literally.  Finally, as I prepare to leave my job and return to a self-employment venture, I anxiously await news that a successor will soon follow and assume my role and duties.

It occurs to me that we could view our human bodies, our earthly lives, as placeholders, too. Not in the sense of being irrelevant or to be replaced by any element, but as placeholders for our souls. We occupy a role, name or persona that suits us for a time, until a change is accepted, perhaps unwillingly at times. We fill this earthly form for several decades then release it to dust and make a space for those who follow.

Spirit–God or Life Force– lives in and through us to experience this existence as we choose to be in it. The unseen energy or intuition guides us, if we pay attention to it. We are born, grow up, work, play, love and move through Life at whatever pace we prefer or allow. When one experience ends, no matter how long we’ve been expressing in that capacity, another begins…we move on. We are as significant as we desire or imagine ourselves to be. We are placeholders for God in that each of us is a unique expression of the Divine, living and learning and sharing our lessons until it is time to voyage onward.

The important thing is that, while we are here, in whatever place or way we live, we hold the highest and best consciousness for ourselves and the world. We grow our lives right where we’re planted until we hear the call to move on…whether that be to a new home, new job, new relationship, or new form of being. Everything in this physical realm is temporary. Only the Life that fills our bodies and energizes our soul is eternal. The fact that we exist, you and I, is evidence enough that Spirit is holding our place in line for the next great adventure.

 

To Love and To Serve

Posted on by cmryan

A recent topic of discussion has revolved around the purpose of life and what that is at its purest, most basic level. After peeling away the reasons for working or…why we do certain things or…our goals in life…it seems to come down to this – the purpose in life is To Love and To Serve….each other, ourselves, family, friends, employers, humanity.

I was reminded of the importance of living with this purpose in mind when I attended one of my grandchildren’s graduation ceremonies – from kindergarten. While the five- and six-year-olds were clearly nervous standing in front of their families and those of their classmates, it was evident from their smiles and their performances that they felt supported…served…and loved. Every parent and grandparent had a camera device to capture the moment. The answer to the question “What do you want to be when you grow up?” received applause with each response. The children displayed their talents of signing the ABC’s, singing songs, and greeting guests in celebration during the reception…and in return, they received support and love and validation that their young efforts had not gone unrecognized and that they were ready to move on to first grade.

We love and serve our children (and others) when we support them in their growth, when we encourage them to find out who they are, what they can do, and how they want to be in the world. We guide them through the lessons of life and social graces and education. It is they who must do the work and experience the effects of their efforts. They have the choice, the option, to accept what we offer, or not…as do we when learning from the world…and to eventually integrate these lessons and ideas into our lives or let them go. We find out what works; what causes pain; what brings rewards.

It’s important to celebrate these graduations, these milestones of growth in our lives, no matter what age we are when they are recognized. We can love and serve ourselves through private celebrations, kind words, and loving thoughts. It’s the recognition of our God-self, that creative spirit, which keeps us growing and striving to be all we’ve come here to be. There are no limits except the ones we place on ourselves. Once we sense how life inspires us and expresses through us, we connect to a greater intention for living in this world: to love and to serve. There is no higher purpose.

Routine, Habit or Practice?

Posted on by cmryan

As much as I like to think of myself as a spontaneous, free-spirited person, it’s obvious that I am more prone to routine, habit and structure. It only took three days for my new dog to figure this out about my morning routine. Even then I was trying to vary the pattern so she wouldn’t catch on…to no avail. Her ability to know that I was going to work after achieving certain tasks, leaving her alone for the day, brought out an obstinacy and nervousness I didn’t know was possible in such a little dog. I admired her intelligence for picking up my habits so quickly. It caused me to wake up to and rethink what I was doing, and how I was going to ‘out smart’ this little four-legged teacher.

Routines or habits can be good. I find they make remembering things less stressful if I do certain tasks the same way every day, such as putting my keys in the same place so I can find them later. I’ve experienced trying to change this one habit in recent weeks with negative results. I put my work keys in a different spot than I usually do, forgot I had done so, and walked away. Later, when I realized they were not in-hand, I retraced my steps only to discover that someone else had picked them up and given them to a manager. Eventually I tracked them down and my key-carrying habit has been reinstated. Some habits aren’t worth changing. Others are.

When we employ routines that allow us to be the most efficient, the most productive, they often become a habit, until something new is introduced to the process – such as a small dog. Now, I’m more aware of the routine things I do in the morning. Since I want to ease the anxiety of this small critter (an adopted, rescue dog), but still get ready for the day, I mix up my tasks. Yes, doing so slows down my exit just a bit. However, knowing I leave her calm and peaceful, I feel better. I’m paying attention. I’m consciously aware that my actions are impacting another living creature and it is my responsibility to do no harm to the best of my ability. This takes practice.

Practice, in the generic definition, is to “repeat something to get better” or “an established way of doing something, especially one that has developed through experience and knowledge.” I see practice as being consciously aware of creating a new positive routine or habit based on experience and knowledge.

For example, when we begin a meditation practice, we are very aware of every sound in the room and the stream of thoughts that suddenly (or so it seems) flood our mind for attention.  It takes combining the knowledge of what meditation is – plus conscious awareness and concerted effort – to calm the mind, ignore the sounds, dismiss the thoughts for a time, and go deep into the peaceful place within to commune with Spirit. Repeat as often as possible until it becomes a positive routine and you become serene just preparing for the meditation. Who knows, after awhile, the peacefulness of the meditation practice could very well become your way of being, of living, of habit.

My intent is the same for my new companion – to create a space of peace and trust for her. It will take time for a new routine to form…and lots of practice.

Right-Sized Living

Posted on by cmryan

My mind is filled with the anticipation and excitement of an upcoming major life event. It can’t seem to stop the planning so I can sleep. Thus, I am awake once more in the middle of the night. We will soon be moving again – back to a house, a home, where we lived for many years.

We had left the house after extensive remodeling, turning it over to tenants who cared little for its history of projects, care and memories. After only a couple of years’ absence, and not being all that far away, we’ve decided to move back into our family home. It means selling a newer, larger, contemporary living space. It means sorting through boxes that were never unpacked; do we really need this stuff? It means doing all those things that are done when a house is to be prepared for sale at one location and another house is readied for inhabitants that have more possessions now than when they left. The clearing begins.

As the real estate participants and planners get involved in preparing this newer house for sale, my mind is focused on returning to our old home. We’re grateful not to have sold it when we first tried. There was a higher plan for us. We envisioned and discussed many times about moving at least one more time, preparing for those retirement years (should they ever come). Our plan included certain elements for our comfort and safety, size and location. Though about a third smaller in square footage than what we’ve been experiencing recently, there are definite features in the old home that can’t be matched.

Besides practical considerations (cheaper living costs, closer to work), our old home offers an intimacy and coziness that’s recognized by all who enter. It’s like putting on a pair of comfortable slippers after a long day. This home is filled with love and memories of our wedding, anniversaries, birthdays and innumerable holiday celebrations with family and friends. Every room bears signs of artistic effort or the marks of children now grown. The passing of time left its fingerprints on every wall. The gardens are developed and mature. Treasured possessions will find their place once again; the rest will find new homes. While our culture often uses the term “down-sizing” to describe this process, I prefer “right-sized” living.

I once heard the comment (presumably from a Scandinavian source): “Small house, big life.”  The intended meaning was that the smaller the space for collecting possessions or hiding away, the greater the possibility for getting out and experiencing Life!

A new era of “right-sized” living has begun. While the big, modern house is nice and I’m glad I experienced it, I’m ready to go home. I’m excited to get moved in, set up, and re-acquainted with the “old place” once more, feeling confident I won’t be moving again in the foreseeable future. I look forward to releasing what’s no longer needed to create an uncluttered and right-sized living environment. And, I anticipate with great joy the freedom to relax into Life…to know I can travel to foreign countries, have great adventures, meet people around the world…then settle down on my chaise in the silence of the night, and feel the home’s aliveness embrace this happy, sleepy soul. It’s just right!

Tea Leaf Wisdom

Posted on by cmryan

“Delight the world with compassion, kindness and grace.”

“Happiness comes when you overcome the most impossible challenge.”

“May you have love, kindness and compassion for all living things.”

“It’s not life that matters; it’s the courage that we bring to it.”

 

Commitment

Posted on by cmryan

The New Year’s holiday is a already a fading memory, the Super Bowl is done, and there’s a bit of a lull before the next big holiday sneaks up on us. In recent moments of reflection, I realized that (1) my husband and I have a special wedding anniversary coming up in May; (2) my desire to start a new business will soon become a reality; and (3) devotion to my spiritual journey and expression grows deeper every day. All of these reflections have at least one trait in common – commitment.

I believe everyone knows and expresses commitment in some way, most assuredly to an interest or passion that gives them joy, something which they have a part in creating. Such effort is relatively easy to give in such a case, even if challenges occur along the way – you keep going. However, there are some situations in life that we are not always able to end exactly when we want. It takes conscious and concerted effort to give positive attention to something that no longer makes your soul sing.

One meaning of “commitment” is to pledge or vow, a gift of the mind and heart to give of ourselves willingly to what we love or cherish. Another meaning is that of obligation, when a task is required out of duty or responsibility. A person can grow through duty, whether you enjoy the experience or not. It can take time to appreciate the experience, to look back on it eventually with fondness at the growth that occurred.

I’ve come to know that the greatest commitment we can make is to our own soul’s journey, to become the grandest expression of who we are or can become. In the words of George Bernard Shaw: “I want to be thoroughly used up when I die…” I want to explore all my talents and develop those I haven’t discovered yet… to fill my mind with the great wisdoms of the world… to love life, family and serve my community… to allow Spirit to express through and as the best me possible.

My commitment to Self, in this manner, in no way robs anyone of anything. In fact, it requires that I give more of myself to the world, for the Good of all and me. The Master Teacher, Jesus, taught “As you give, you receive.”

Commitment…dedication…focus…truly has its own rewards.