Tag: communication

V is for Voice… Spirituality A to Z

Posted on by cmryan

When you think of “Voice,” what comes up for you? Is it the “still small voice” of your God-Self within that is first and foremost in your consciousness? Is it the ego-self with its critical overtones that jumps front and center? Or is it a combination of the two, a Spiritually-based yet human voice, desiring to be heard in the world?

One of the things I’ve come to appreciate more is a person’s desire to be heard. I’m sure that is the subconscious force that drives me to write this blog week after week. I’m validated by the blog statistics that show at least a few people have read some portion of these published thoughts… that we have connected on a topic for a few minutes.

My “Voice” or your voice takes many forms. It can be the spoken or written word…photographs…painted canvases… sculptures… music… dance… or reaching out to another through a hug or gentle touch. We express our Divine Nature and human nature in a variety of ways. When we do (and I know this is true for me), it’s validating to get some form of positive acknowledgment in return. It can be empowering, too.

While it would be lovely to have everyone agree with me and all my ideas, the reality is that doesn’t always happen. Yet, knowing I am heard through some form of acknowledgment or response encourages me even more to reach out to those around me…to share more of me…to serve.

This revitalized awareness has also impacted some of the ways I’ve been communicating and increased my efforts in other directions. I recently began a practice that is taking me beyond my routine methods of reaching out. I now write a short letter, a note card in length, to someone…every day. Well, at least five days a week. After I do my morning spiritual readings, add to my growing “gratitude list,” and spend a few minutes in contemplative meditation, I pick up my pen and share a part of me with someone I care about. The act of writing down some interest, viewpoint or recent experience (or memory)…of sharing it with just one person in that moment… becomes very intimate, very connecting.

I get to be with that person in consciousness, to share a common bond. Through this process I’ve discovered a willingness to reveal more of my authentic self. I find that my Voice – the “I AM” part of me – is getting stronger and more confident. I’m learning to trust the God-Nature, my Spiritual Voice, to a greater depth as I recognize the being I’ve become and am becoming. And it’s not about whether I get a response or not, although that would be an added bonus to enjoy.

My gift comes in the moments of connection I feel as I think about that person and share myself, my thoughts, with them. It’s in believing that their day will be uplifted when they open the envelope. My gift also is recognizing I have so many people in my life that I care about.

Other gifts that have come about include: creating time on my calendar to connect with friends and family in person, not just on social media websites; putting down my phone while having a conversation with the person in front of me; even leaving it in another room or turning it off (OMG!) during a social event. I’m feeling less concerned about the “what” of projects, and more interested in “who” is being served. I’m even thinking about taking vacations. Imagine that!

This new Spiritual practice has softened me…and at the same time, strengthened my connection to life. Through giving “Voice” to my authentic God-Self with those I love, I am more receptive to listening to those needing to be heard, wanting love, or desiring recognition and connection. I can do that. You can, too.

U is for Unification … Spirituality A to Z

Posted on by cmryan

Unification is an interesting word. It brings to my mind the ideas of connection, harmony, and just plain ol’ getting along with one another about things. This getting-along idea can be from something as simple as agreeing with someone about where to go for lunch…or…the next step in the vision of creating a corporation.

The concept of Unification – or unifying – does not mean we all do things the same way, with the same intensity, or via the same methods or skills. It does mean that we hold in consciousness a common purpose, vision or goal. It means we’re walking the same highway (bigger than a path) toward a greater expression of who we are and what we intend to accomplish. It means we do our best toward a common goal. It means the whole is greater than the individual parts. And Unification lends itself to having objectivity about the union.

When people connect or come together to work on a project, the object of their attention is what unifies them. For example, when I’ve had the opportunity to sing with an experienced choir or group, the song and its harmonies are where the attention is placed. It’s not about me or the person next to me or the musicians who support the singers. The song is the focus. The notes are what holds the song together and every person to the song. When all are striving for Unification, each singer performs their part with passion and skill; each is uniquely qualified for what they’re contributing to the whole piece. The perfect result is the quality of the song coming from such combined and passionate talents.

When everyone contributes for the highest and best of the desired music, the results are positive and the notes are glorious. It touches people’s hearts and emotions. It unifies the musicians and singers to the audience. The energy is palpable. It can bring people to tears and joy. We are connected in that moment. Unified in Spirit and song…hoping it will go on indefinitely. No one wants it to end!

However, there are times when we get in the way of this perfection and unity and the circle of Life unfolding. Emerson said we are to “…take our bloated nothingness out of the path of the divine circuits.” Good advice.

When we share a project with others, there’s likely to be someone in charge, someone who is directing or has the “big picture” in mind and can guide each person toward its final creation. This dynamic takes cooperation and surrender on everyone’s part, in turn. It means stepping up to do your share or assisting others to do theirs. I love collaborating with passionate and inspiring people to create something so much bigger or greater than I could imagine on my own, and have their positive input and assistance in the endeavor as well.

Yet even if we’re creating a project on our own in the privacy of our minds or the solace of a solitary space, there must be a unifying effort with the Divine Spirit within. I find my personal projects, goals, and dreams have a much higher success rate when I listen to the “still small voice within” to guide me…rather than my bloated ego.

Unification is indeed about harmony and cooperation. It’s about staying connected to a guiding Presence for a greater Good. Unity of one another. Unity with the One.

 

Making Contact

Posted on by cmryan

I’m thinking about getting a new phone. It’s been well over two years and I’m due for an upgrade. I’ve also convinced myself that it would be easier to see what I’m doing if the screen was bigger.  Really, I just want a newer phone. Before I head off to the cell phone store, however, I’ve given quite a bit of my attention, time and effort to going through the contacts list on my phone…and my computer…and my internet email account. I want to be sure my contacts are cleaned up, accurate … and then backup the contact list on my phone to another location that is off my phone.

I have a lot of contacts. Due to some magical mistake made during my previous phone upgrade, the technician (or me) managed to double my phone’s contact list. I ended up with over 948 records. I never counted them. I never bothered to clean up my phone’s contact list…until today.

So far I’ve been able to get the list down to 729 726 contacts on my phone. I have another 284 names in my internet account. Some are probably duplicates. Apparently, even with today’s technological advances, getting a phone’s contact list to sync to one or two other depository locations is not an easy proposition. It’s far easier on the spy TV shows than in real life. Even after a trip to the phone store with questions about my situation, the best they could do was reassure me that I wasn’t crazy about what I was trying to do. The only thing is, the process only works one way …not both.

Why all this trouble? Why is it so important?Old_dial_phone

First, I truly value the names that appear on all my various contact lists and I want them to be accurate. They wouldn’t be there unless there was a reason to include them. At one time or another, each name was added with the intent of staying in touch, reaching out, having a conversation. Sometimes it happened…other times, not so much. After years of no communication, I’ve simply forgotten who some of these people are. Quite honestly, if I haven’t contacted them by now (or they, me), it’s highly unlikely it’ll happen any time in the near future.

I didn’t mean to forget their names or the experiences we shared. The entries that were deleted weren’t all personal friends. The list is a combination of customers from a long-ago business, board members of a company where I used to work, recruiters for companies where I applied for jobs, people who visited our church, classmates from college, or someone I found interesting at a party and thought I would contact later. Some of these names have been on my list a really l–o–n–g time. I didn’t want to let them go. But holding on to forgotten memories was serving no one.

The only way we ever grow is to let go of what is holding us back. The best way to lift up our consciousness is to release the weight of what is keeping us down. Whenever we create a void in life, God/Spirit is more than happy to fill it – usually with something better than we had previously. Sometimes that means deleting names from an old phone list or cleaning the clutter from a life of overwhelm. Other times, it means forgiving ourselves (and others) for saying or doing things we may not even remember properly or fairly.

In all cases, it requires us to be in the present moment…to appreciate what we have here and now…to focus on the Good. As long as I stay in gratitude for the life that is mine, for the friends and family to whom I’m connected, for the gifts I’m given or work long and hard for …as long as I stay in gratitude, everything that’s important will be provided…and more!

I rest assured, knowing that my communication with God is a two-way and direct call, if I but listen to that still, small voice within…no phone required.

Face-to-Face & Heart-to-Heart

Posted on by cmryan

Those folks who spend any length of casual time with me or friends who know me well will acknowledge my kinship with communication technology (e.g., tablet, laptop, email, texting, social media, etc.). I’ve always been somewhat of a geeky introvert (yes, I have) so these forms of “talking” or staying in touch with people have been my favored or preferred methods of contact. I enjoy writing and playing with words. Just because I have a smartphone doesn’t mean I use it for conversation; it provides my link to email accounts, texts and the Internet. However, lately I’ve been increasing my personal face-to-face contact with people and with surprising results.

“If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart.” ~ Nelson Mandela

I’m sure part of my past hesitation to communicate verbally stems from being hushed as a child. The adage “Children should be seen and not heard” was a constant reminder that I had not yet earned the right to speak with any wisdom or knowledge of life. I developed a fondness for collecting quotations that expressed what I could not find the words to say. I carried the idea of being reserved into adulthood for many years, speaking only when I truly felt passionate about a particular situation, injustice, cause or favorite topic. Then, perhaps not so oddly, I majored in Communication at university and now speak every week before a growing congregation. My writing, speaking and teaching topics are all spiritual in nature. What isn’t?

“When we talk about understanding, surely it takes place only when the mind listens completely – the mind being your heart, your nerves, your ears – when you give your whole attention to it.” ~Jiddu Krishnamurtiheart

What I have discovered to be my biggest aid in communicating with people is…(drum roll, please)…to be authentic…to come from my God-Self and not my ego-self. As long as I let go of all the concerns of what people will think, how they will react to what I say, how cleverly I present the message, how long I go on, whether they understand (or not) the words I use – as long as I release all those thoughts and speak from my heart or pause in silence – the meaning will be understood. Sometimes, such “speaking” comes from just being present in their presence…to hold a sacred space where they, too, can be their authentic selves.

“We have two ears and one tongue so that we would listen more and talk less.” ~Diogenes

Some of my favorite moments have been sitting with a friend, lost in our individual thoughts, connected at the heart-level, and joined in the spirit of the moment. I’ve done that quite often this week, relating with people I’ve just met, known for a few months, or with friends whose lives have mingled with mine for decades. It takes more effort to meet face-to-face and share heart-to-heart; no doubt about it. I come home from these experiences gently used and deeply satisfied, content to have been part of someone’s journey for part of a day or to help with some form of healing. I’d like to think their experiences are as positive as mine. I know that being in their presence has revealed in me a desire to do more of this type of “talking.” I am grateful for the soul exchange and want to attract more of them.

“Sometimes it’s a form of love just to talk to somebody that you have nothing in common with and still be fascinated by their presence.” ~ David Byrne

As I go through my work day with technology and assorted gadgets, messaging for the sake of efficiency, writing on the computer rather than long-hand, I’m drawn to my phone. I open my contacts database and peruse the list for the name and number of someone dear to call after work. I pull out my note cards and write a message to go with the package to be mailed. The note cards provide just the right amount of space for generous love and few words. I complete my tasks quickly and efficiently so that, when the next opportunity presents itself to hold sacred space for a dear friend, I will be ready to do so…with a smiling face and a loving heart.

“Talk low, talk slow, and don’t say too much.” ~ John Wayne

Family Love

Posted on by cmryan

Sometimes a commercial holiday can be beneficial in triggering us (me) to think about its particular theme, such as Valentine’s Day being about Love. While I’ve been truly blessed to spend parts of the day with a devoted husband and loving children and grandchildren, many thoughts about love today centered on those I’ve not seen in years…members of my family of origin.

I may have mentioned this in an earlier writing, about being the oldest of five siblings and leaving home (and the state) when I was 19. I traded the Midwest for the West Coast and an early marriage. My three brothers and one sister were all still in school; the two youngest were still in grade school as they are 11 and 12 years younger than me. Not only were we years apart in age and maturity, but as a result of my moving away, I never really knew them as individuals. I still don’t.

Life being what it was, I rarely went back to visit, but I did make the effort a few times over the years and am glad I did. There were no big family reunions. My parents didn’t travel or take big vacations. My mom has never visited my home.  It took nearly 40 years before my dad finally came to see where I lived. He stayed for five weeks. That was one of the most special, sharing events of my life. We now have conversations several times a week.

That’s not true for my siblings, however. Our interests and lifestyles are vastly different. We live in three or four different states with one or two having outdated addresses or no interest in making contact. I talk with one brother once or twice a year; another every couple of years; and the third maybe once a decade. I’m not sure where my sister is living or how to reach her. Even if I did, I’m not sure it’d be a good idea; she doesn’t seem to like me much.

The few conversations shared amongst the five of us over the years have been about feelings of abandon­ment, jealousy over the distribution of family possessions, reliving early childhood memories or family celebrations, catching up on where our adult children are living or how many grandchildren we have, what to do about aging parents, and hoping everyone is able to stay working and caring for themselves sufficiently for as long as possible. Not the healthiest types of relationships, to say the least.

While we share family bloodlines, it seems rather strange to declare real “love” for people I hardly know. Frankly, we’ve all had such separate lives for so long, it feels quite artificial to initiate any kind of meaningful relationship now…and yet I feel such a deep sense of loss. It may be time to try again.

I don’t regret leaving home at a young age. (My father actually encouraged me to go.) I like the person I’ve become through the experiences Life provided. My world is full of love from a blended and extended step-family, children, grandchildren, and friends. I promote regular family gatherings with our children and insist we communicate and share in each other’s lives. I want them to know the importance of such family connections…to learn about one another as adult individuals…to experience family love with their brothers and sisters. Maybe, someday, I will, too.

Detoxing My Demeanor

Posted on by cmryan

A couple of weeks ago I came down with a seasonal flu or cold or something viral. It kept me in bed for two days (sort of), sleeping and eating vegetables and fruits as much as possible so my body could heal. I love that about the human body. It KNOWS how to fight off infections, viruses, bacteria, etc. if we only provide it with the proper conditions for healing….rest, water, nutrients, positive intention.  So that was my goal. My body recovered pretty fast (I don’t make a very good patient anyway).

While in bed resting, I watched a couple of documentary films about food and healing that included the process of “juicing.” Great idea! In an effort to assist my body back to a healthy state, I started juicing raw fruits and vegetables. You see, I also lost a bit of weight during those five days of illness and I’d prefer they stayed lost. Juicing allows me to take in the nutrients and not the bulk, so I can actually “eat” several helpings of the good stuff – like we’re instructed to do. I am mixing wonderful flavors and really enjoying the added energy, convenient preparation and cleanup, and the variety of foods I now consume. I also started taking 30-minute walks. More excess weight is going away and I’m detoxing in the process.

I wish I could say the process was as quick and effective when it came to my mental attitude in the midst of unnecessary confrontation or challenge. Is there a way to detox my demeanor, too?

I don’t like using the excuse of “I’m not feeling well” as the reason for my occasional sour disposition. I know better. And I certainly don’t like placing blame on others for their rude manners, condescending attitudes, or sarcastic remarks. There are times when I struggle to just let such behavior flow past me or when I’m moved to stop the onslaught and say something. Lately, I’ve been “responding” rather than being reserved. It’s the responses I’d like to change.

Someone reminded me recently how much they “hate” being talked to like they were stupid. I share that sentiment. Yet, I have to catch myself in those challenging moments to not fling back this same stinging dialogue. My ego-self goes into instant defense mode…before my God-self can take a breath, think, and respond – either with silence (for there is power there, too) or with a calm, respectful statement. I don’t like my defensiveness any more than I like being brushed aside. That’s where the detoxing of my mental state, demeanor, comes in. And that is where the simple act of taking a breath may be the key solution.

Just like the juicing machine takes out all the bulk from the raw foods and provides only the juicy nutrients in an easy-to-digest liquid form, taking a breath (or two) before speaking in those tense situations can remove the sarcasm and hurtful sting from words hurled at an unsuspecting target.  A simple breath can cleanse the mind (detox), provide a few seconds of silence (power), and allow only the juicy, respectful, easy-to-accept expression (nutrients) of who you are to be heard and understood. It lowers the negative energy in those tense situations and creates a pool of calm for everyone involved.

Divine Spirit recognizes and connects one person to another, if only for a micro-second, and healing occurs. I feel better already.

Tell Me What You Want…

Posted on by cmryan

At first glance this title may suggest that I’m asking someone what they want so I can help fulfill that desire. Actually, this is far from the meaning. While I am more than willing to assist, pray and encourage others to fulfill their dreams and goals, it is no longer in my nature to do it for them.

What this title is asking is that you be direct with me (and others)…that you speak honestly, authentically and from the heart…with compassion and respect, of course. Rest assured that I will do the same with you. A slogan I learned years ago states: “Honesty without compassion is brutality.”

When a person speaks Truth (based on principle, objectively and from their God-self), it’s much easier to hear, too. All the excuses or whining, the reasons why-not, and the justifications for being unkind, just seem to disappear and fall away. The words and emotions of Truth are more recognizable because they’re in all of us. It’s the human drama details that get in the way of us communicating effectively with one another.

I want to hear what you want to say…at the gut level, from the heart. Tell it to me straight the first time. Don’t give me a story now because you think that’s what I want to hear, and then later change the information or avoid the topic (and me) altogether. Tell me what you really want to say…what you really want to create in your life, in our relationship. I may not like the specific words used or the decision you make, but I accept your right to choose and I will heal whatever pain is felt, knowing there is actually love behind your words and actions.

I want to see the real you and the situation for what it is…not what I (or you) hope it might be…maybe…someday. I want to know the substance of who you are in this moment. I want to know you at the soul level. We are connected much more than we realize; we share a common Life Force. Truly, we are One. Whatever you say to me, you will hear as well. Your soul will. My heart will. Speak Truth and Principle and Love for one another…and tell me what you want.