Tag: awareness

Great Expectations

Posted on by cmryan

You wouldn’t think that the turning of a calendar page would make that much difference. The exception is the transition from the last day of the year to the first. Starting another year seems to open up people to all kinds of new possibilities. Suddenly, within 24 hours, life is filled with great expectations of promise and potential. I can feel it in myself as well.

My focus is on what lies ahead. I am invigorated with the possibilities of what I might create, where I may go, who will introduce themselves into my life, and how the world will unfold. As I tend to be a bit of a techno-geek, I’m truly interested in what software, gadgets and conveniences will be revealed to the world in the next few months. Besides the people and things that will come into my life, I also get to look forward to how I will grow and express as who I Am.

The eternal supply of ideas that comes into my brain is sure to drop a few into the soil of my conscious mind and passionate heart. Those plans that have not yet been developed need to remain strong and sturdy to root more deeply in creation…in thought. For example, I reviewed a few pages from a 2007 journal to discover seedling ideas that still merit development, but that I had put on the back burner so long ago, they’ve nearly dried up in the dark recesses of my memory. It’s a good thing I write some things down!

It’s not only the promising expectations of “doing” that capture my attention, but also the potential of who or what I will become (“be”). A recent meditation, in which I was directed to ask Divine Intelligence for gifts that would greatly benefit me on the next stage of my journey, resulted in three key characteristics I thought I already possessed…at least to some degree…but apparently am still in short supply of having: maturity, patience, and humility.

Not only did Spirit provide the answer with amazing speed, but as it caused my ego edgy discomfort and a bit of argument, my heart knew it was the correct answer. Yes, I have focused on deepening these characteristics in recent years and have made great progress. But are we ever really finished? If we’re honest with ourselves, there is always something more we can do to be a better human in this world.

I have great expectations of myself, it’s true. As I make my way into a new (dual) career move, give some attention to personal projects, spend time with family and friends, continue to create a life and home I love, and learn how to have balance in my life, the development of these three, strong characteristics will be at the forefront of my mind.

All of creation starts with a thought…and this, for today, is mine.

Birthday Thoughts

Posted on by cmryan

My birthday is this week. I’m almost at the end of another decade. I’ve been sick for a few days, too, so my perspective on life has been a bit skewed. It’s just a nasty cold or something; enough to put me on the pity potty every once in awhile, though I’m determined not to stay there long enough that it leaves rings. My focus has been a bit off. In the midst of my whining this morning, I received a reminder that put things in clearer perspective and shut me up at the same time.

My infant grandson was at the hospital this morning, having minor outpatient surgery. Due to my own coughing and runny nose, I couldn’t be there to help or be part of providing comfort – to child or parents. A friend in another state was having major surgery on his heart – a 6- to 8-hour procedure – that had been quickly scheduled to help him avoid any unexpected heart attacks. There have been devastating crimes across the world this past week, too. And I was complaining about coughing and sneezing?

I need to stay in gratitude. At least I get to HAVE a birthday again. My body is already on the mend through rest, nutrition and time, plus a few herbal cold remedies. I’ll get back to my full routine shortly. Any stress I want to bring on myself is waiting in the wings. I think that’s an important awareness lately – I can attract whatever level of stress and anxiety I desire in my life…or not. If I hold onto anger, all I do is get more angry and ride the downward spiral to emotional oblivion. That’s not how I want to live my life. That’s not the place from where I can make decisions for Good. It’s just too debilitating to live in that negative space. Maybe that’s how this week’s illness got a foothold; it found an opening in my self-pity and wants to prolong feelings of victimhood. Not today, thank you!

My grandson is already on the road to recovery; he’s quite a tough little guy. He hasn’t had any of the after-surgery issues his parents were warned about. As for my distant friend, the prognosis is good, too. Surgery went well. The road to recovery will be long, but he will recover. And tomorrow I will be one step closer to experiencing the perfection of breathing without pain or coughing or sneezing and wheezing. I’ll be able to get through the day with perhaps only one nap instead of two or three. Plus, it’ll be my birthday.

I’ll have the day to reflect and contemplate…how far I’ve come and where do I want to go from here? Do I like who I am…who I’m becoming? I notice I’m stronger, more authentic, compassionate, tolerant, more loving and forgiving … of myself and others. As long as I remember this about myself, it allows me to face the ugliness, anger and fear of the world with more courage and objectivity. As long as I stay focused on the inherent Good of Life, I can recover from pain more quickly so I can truly be a more positive influence in the world and for my family.

My personal mission is to “Learn, Teach and Serve” …from a Spiritual source and with Power for Good. That, now, will be my mantra and focus. Next year, we’ll review and see how far I’ve come. Happy Birthday to me!

Deciding Long-Term

Posted on by cmryan

Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever get ‘it’ all down…how to live this thing called Life successfully enough that I don’t need to have so many do-over’s or RE-awakenings. Like making decisions. I make several a day: what to eat or wear; which project to work on first; scheduling appointments, what music or movie to enjoy, etc. I’m grateful that I get to choose such things for my life. These types of decisions don’t have major significant consequences, but there are others that do…others that have long-term effects.

What I’ve been RE-awakened to are some decisions I made several years ago that seemed insignificant at the time. This has to do with my landscape plans and the large trees I decided to plant. When the trees went in I knew full well how large they could get, how wide they would be, and how and where their deep roots might grow and wander. The thing is I had no plans to be living on this property by the time they became a concern. Well, plans change and here I am, facing the consequences of my former landscape decisions.

In the Science of Mind textbook (p. 388.4) Ernest Holmes writes: “And so we prepare not to die, but to live.” This now is a great reminder about what perspective to have when making decisions of any kind, but especially long-term ones.

Had I made my previous tree-planting decisions with the thought of being the person who would now be trimming, or even eliminating, one large tree (and several smaller ones), I definitely would have made different choices. One of the key influences to my decision-making process is that, up until recent months, I moved homes every two to four years. Sometimes, I moved more often than that. The idea of living in one place long enough to actually watch a tree mature and become a nuisance was entirely foreign to me. Now, it’s rather comforting to imagine that possibility.

I have this vision of growing ancient in this home…of tending gardens and planting perennials… of building sandboxes and playing with many grandchildren on the swing set of our children… of hearing each floor squeak get louder each winter… of crafting from piles of endless stored supplies… of actually sitting on the front deck to watch the sunrise in the summer… and a myriad of other activities as the years float by. With such a vision before me, the decisions I make now are for the long-term. Thus, they are made with greater forethought and consideration than in years past… the way I wished I had made them to begin with when I planted all these trees.

I will make a formal amends to the trees that now must be cut down to stop the damage to my home’s roof and foundation. And I’ve learned to make better choices in every area of my life as a result of this experience… as some decisions are certain to outlive my mortal body. For now, I “…prepare not to die, but to live” a long, healthy and wisdom-filled life.

Anticipation

Posted on by cmryan

This year, more than any other time, I await the results of the presidential election with great anticipation. I’m certainly no expert on all the issues or the candidates. I’m sure there’s much I missed along the way. Yet I paid attention to what was important to me, balanced the presenta­tions from varied sources, did my own research, and then made my decision based on education, intuition and faith. It will be interesting to see how it all turns out.

Anticipation is an interesting sensation. It holds within it increased awareness, enthusiasm and hope… even some attachment to a specific result. This heightened feeling of expectation provides energy to stay alert, fully participating, being involved, and awaiting the finish or at least the completion of the next stage of unfoldment, whether it be election results, health diagnosis, project conclusion, and business or relationship decisions.

As any stage comes to completion, with it can come a sigh of relief and perhaps sadness that it’s finally over. Anticipation’s euphoric breath is released and a thought of celebration usually follows, however brief it may be. Shortly or eventually thereafter, a renewed energy begins to grow to address the next stage, the next idea, or another challenge…and the anticipation cycle begins again.

This cycle of anticipation and closure is very much like what we find throughout Nature. The ebb and flow of the ocean…the growth and rest of the plants from seed to maturity to decay…the changing of the different seasons…day and night… being awake or going to sleep…etc. Thus, this concept is nothing new. Anticipation is a normal way of being and provides us the motivation and energy to pursue our goals and intentions, as well as to carry us through any disappointments toward renewed optimism.

As the election winds down, I release a sigh of gratitude that this event is nearly concluded…until next time. The focus for many people will return to their previous interests, employment efforts, families, friends, homes, and social media postings…other normal ways of being and living. Our country takes a collective sigh of relief as we move forward into the next chapter of our world’s unfoldment and evolution. It’s an exciting time…and one filled with great anticipation!

 

Peaceful Easy Feeling

Posted on by cmryan

My week currently starts with Sunday afternoon…after church is done and I’ve changed into my comfy clothes. I either unwind with a trip to the movie theater or a couple of hours walking in nature.

Recently I chose the latter, walking in the afternoon sun around a small lake, stopping to sit and enjoy the views and the warm breeze. My husband and I were both lost in silence as our steps traveled the gravel path. The dog, too, kept to herself and was relatively quiet during the whole excursion. My mind was filled only with peace and contentment.

That peaceful, easy feeling has remained with me since. It opened me to the interconnectedness of all creation. This internal quiet heightens my awareness of the Oneness of Life. It encourages me to be mindful of what is before me at this moment. Such peace invites compassion and patience into each interaction I have with another life form – plant, animal or human. Such peace fills my whole being with a deep love born of God, of Spirit.

Divine Love knows no bounds; has no exceptions; is without limit, powerful and ever-lasting. Its depth is beyond that of human emotion. Let me give you a comparison.

If you’ve ever been on a small to mid-size passenger boat (not a cruise ship) and taken a ride out into the ocean for an hour or two, you can feel the movement of the ocean beneath your feet, separated only by the boat’s hull. As the boat rises and falls through the waves, you might notice the power of the ocean as water meets boat, yielding, but firm. The boat provides your connection to the unknown depth below. There’s a mystery of the life within the liquid darkness. In every direction there is only the majesty of the ocean. Suddenly, you realize you can no longer see any shore. The power and depth of the immensity that stretches out all around you is humbling and awe-inspiring.

That is what Divine Love feels like to me…powerful, deep, immense, humbling and awesome!

I am cradled through my trust in a Universal Presence. My soul is protected through all eternity. Whether I can see ahead in my journey through unknown or dark situations, rising and falling as my beliefs allow, I am propelled ever forward. I am always connected to this Divine Love, anchored in the knowing that I am never alone, no matter what stretches out before me. Spirit resides within me, and I within It, embraced in waves of Love.

I am at peace in my surrender to this immense Power.

And so it is…

Stay and Grow

Posted on by cmryan

I recently watched a movie (The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel) that had a profound impact on me. It initiated a discussion with my husband in which I became aware of hidden beliefs about where to live that even I had not recognized before. While it is not the desire of either of us to move to India, moving homes has come rather easily to me. My best estimate is that I have lived in at least 47 locations (homes) throughout my life. I’ve never regarded any of them as a permanent residence, including my current home…up until now. And THAT realization is a bit unsettling for several reasons.

I realized most of my life has been built on chaos and transition, always looking forward to a better job, a better marriage, a nicer place to live, more time for me, always striving for improvement, etc. I’ve spent years examining my beliefs about most of these issues and applied various methods to resolve them. 

  • First, I’m happy to say this is the BEST marriage of my life – the most fulfilling and the longest! What has been key for us is having a spiritual base in common and lots of honest and respectful communication.
  • Second, the job as a minister is the most satisfying career for me, utilizing all the skills and experiences gained in every position previous to this one…yet providing ample opportunity for personal and spiritual growth. I love what I do!
  • Next, by addressing my workaholic tendencies, I now create time to do things I enjoy without the guilt; taking mini-breaks throughout the day (e.g., lunch on the deck); even taking one day off each week (hey, it’s a start). In the process, I’m actually getting more done than I was before.
  • Lastly, my house is a work-in-progress…like me. The house has been my primary artistic expression for the past 15 years. It inspires me. And I’m more ‘me’ here than anywhere else. We got married in this house, watched our kids grow up here, and modified parts of it to meet our particular needs and space requirements. I also really like living within walking distance to the center of our small town.

So why my distress over whether to move or not…yet again? What I recognized is that I have held the belief that in order to “grow” into the person I am to become, I need to expand in the physical realm as well – like a larger house or in a location with acres of woods and walking trails where I can contemplate with God. Where did THAT come from? Simply… race consciousness… comparing to others. Enough already.

I’m ready to stop the transitory lifestyle and mental chaos, the endless search through real estate ads for the “perfect place” that will never match up to what I already have and now truly appreciate. It’s time to unpack my office boxes, hang the towel bars and the photographs, organize the nightstand, and create my own personal space because finally I recognize that I’m worthy of having it. Some might call this putting down roots. True. This feels good… resolved… and is how to truly grow strong and confident in one’s own abilities.

No matter how many times I’ve gone away, I’ve always wanted to return here…to THIS house. I’m grateful we listened to the Spiritual voice that nudged us back to this place, one of creativity, security and love… my home. Now I can focus on what really needs to change and grow – me.

In the Company of Spirit

Posted on by cmryan

My meditation practice has been sporadic and undisciplined for much longer than I’d ever intended or cared to admit. I truly love the benefits of regular meditation. I get lost in the bliss and solitude, making it difficult to return to the physical world. Therein lies my desire: to be in meditation within the active realm of life.

Fortunately, I’ve been introduced to many methods of meditation. In fact I teach my students from this resource of awareness and practices, and am fully open to learning more, to experiencing more. A recent trip to a local sanctuary allowed me to guide a class through a number of different meditative practices, and then turn them loose to create their own experiences while I was free to delve into my favorites. It was a lovely afternoon of peace, serenity and new understandings for all.

The day’s favorite for me was walking the labyrinth…a beautiful classic design forged in rocks and boulders amidst trees and shrubs – both within the paths and surrounding the circle. Very mindfully, and quite alone, I slowly travelled the walkways laid out before me. I carried a flower, symbolically a gift to Spirit for the privilege of being there.

As I pondered my purpose and intention of the walk, head down but eyes open so as to avoid stumbling over tree roots or odd-shaped boulders, I heard someone’s step near the outside edge of the labyrinth. “Someone just passing by,” I thought casually and returned my focus to my intention and solitary walking. Within a couple of minutes and from another part of the meditation circle, again I heard someone stepping near the edge of the labyrinth. This time I looked up to see who was there.

No one. At least no human form was nearby or even within view of where I was standing, now paused in the dappling sunlight and the warm breeze. Then I heard it…a clear message from that eternal voice, which said, “I’m walking with you; you’re never alone.”

In that moment – a microsecond of time – I could feel Life smiling at me. And I smiled back.

Funny, I hadn’t thought about feeling lonely. The day, the week, had been filled with activities that included many people. While I had been serving in various capacities, I had also felt served by others. Then I realized the significance of this message…Spirit, God, is with us always, even when we’re feeling exceptionally good. Often we seek out our Spiritual connection when challenges are pressing us down to our knees; we call out for help through prayer and find comfort to make it through. We don’t have to wait that long.

We can feel that connection when things are going well and easy, too. We can offer prayers of gratitude for all the Good in our lives and more yet to come. In that moment of peaceful awareness in the midst of the labyrinth, I was once more assured of my relationship to the Divine…and all the Love and Serenity that are mine – any time I accept it…when I’m open to it.

That’s the purpose of meditation for me – to be more open to the Divine. So now I’m ready for greater discipline…to significantly and joyously deepen my practice. It’s time for another walk with Spirit. See you later.

Catch-Up…or Not

Posted on by cmryan

Ever since we moved back to our family home earlier this year, there has been a line of boxes waiting to be emptied. One room after another, items have been put away, given away, or tossed away. The artwork is finally going up on the walls. The heavier drapes are being hung in time for the cool nights of autumn. Life’s activities continue one day after the other amidst a stack of this or pile of that. Still, some boxes remain, with contents patiently awaiting a return to usefulness or the trash bin.

Occasionally I declare that it would only take a few days to “catch up” with all of it and things would be back to normal…that I would no longer need to look at these cardboard containers stacked around my office. When I tried that approach – taking a couple of days to unpack files into drawers, books unto shelves, and knick-knacks into corners – the other part of my life fell into panic…the deadlines and projects that I needed to pay attention to came due with amazing speed and stress. I traded one irritation for another.

The truth is, this IS normal…for as long as I can remember. There have always been boxes sitting around in some corner, filled with memories…numerous photograph albums, school papers, childhood gifts, and tidbits from relationships. Throwing these things away seems sacrilegious – all are parts of me. But every once in awhile, when we move or I need to get to something in the far back corner under the bottom of the pile, I’ll look through a box and determine that at least SOME item is no longer necessary to whom I’ve become. I’ll toss it into the wastebasket or ask one of my adult children if they want it. They never do. Why would they?

Frankly, I’ve come to accept that there is no “catch up” either. Time is time. We can’t save it up to use it later. We can only spend it as we live each day…fixing meals, working, hanging pictures, creating art or crafts, playing with grandchildren, working, visiting with friends, sleeping, driving, cleaning, recreation, working, studying, reading, writing, working, etc. (If you’ve followed this blog, you already know that, for me, working is a priority.) But sometimes I can empty a box or two.

I think the reason I resist the boxes is because of their contents. I want to explore each container indepth…look at each piece of paper to determine its value…fondly remember the goings on in my life at the time the item was gifted to me and by whom…make sure I throw nothing away that I’ll regret  later for having done so. No one can really assist me in this process. It’s a solitary endeavor. I’m the only one who can decide what stays and what goes…or how important that piece of paper is to my current existence. For example, reviewing the several small boxes of greeting cards received for all those special occasions during the past few decades from my loved ones. My husband has his own collection, too. We finally agreed that maybe it would be okay to reduce our “collections” and keep only a few of the most precious of these cards…when we have the time to look at them.

I know, eventually, all this will get sorted out. I’d just like to do it while I’m the one still making the decisions and so my children don’t get stuck with it. However, it’s not ALL going to happen today. And for now, I’m okay with that.

Many Hats…One Design

Posted on by cmryan

During a recent prayer session with a practitioner student, I was gifted with clarity into a behavioral habit I’ve developed rather consciously over the past couple of decades. I’m happy to say that the inspiration from that session included a resolution to make significant changes…to create and live a new way of being.

My approach to life has always been to have a backup plan. In this way, I have a “back door” escape, just in case the idea fails, plans don’t work out, or people let me down. What this has done, however, is to keep me from FULLY engaging in life. I participate, but only at a surface level. Sometimes it even allows me to hide out from life. Since I’m not totally engaged, there’s less chance of getting hurt, feeling failure, or even taking full responsibility – good or bad – for whatever the results might be. This approach, I reasoned, protected my heart and feelings from pain and disappointment of my own shortcomings or those of other people involved. Fortunately, I’m not operating from this perspective any longer.

The other related behavior, and which I have become very good at carrying out, is “changing hats.” I can speak to one person about marketing projects and deadlines, another about financial administration or team communication, another about massage and wellness tips, and still someone else about options to their spiritual path. In each case, I would put on “my hat” for each appropriate role (marketing professional, business manager, massage therapist, or minister and teacher, respectively), and then spoke from that perspective. I began to notice that my voice tone changed depending on which “hat” I was wearing or what needed to be addressed. I projected different personas. Many of us do this; there’s nothing really wrong with this communication technique. It’s just not the way I choose to express who I am any longer.

The truth is, I have all these capabilities bundled up inside this one magnificent being of spirit, brain and body – known as me. I’ve lived long enough to accumulate academic education, worldly knowledge, and wisdom from life experiences that give me some expertise in certain matters.  What I don’t know about something I can learn or rely on experts to advise me. I know that I don’t know all there is to know – and I’m okay with that.

The change I’m making – and what I’ve recently been inspired to do through powerful prayer and meditation practices – is to come from Source in all situations…to lead with the heart, with love. This means coming from my authentic, spiritual, heart-centered, compassionate, and strong nature God-self. I have all the Power of God available to my every thought and prayer, as much as I’m willing to accept. I trust with absolute certainty that the life I’m living is filled with Good and Love, no matter how it might look in the moment. I know the person I’m becoming will continue to evolve through all eternity, in one form or another. The only way I can hurt is if I let outside circumstances dominate and control my thinking.

A change of hats is no longer necessary. There is no need for a backup plan. I AM the plan.

Law of Gluten

Posted on by cmryan

As a minister, teacher and student of Universal Principles, immutable Laws that can be proven by anyone, I found myself the subject of painfully proving such a Law recently. Sadly, I allowed my human ego to make the decision in the matter. My body was the test subject and paid the penalty for not listening to that All-Knowing Voice.  Ignoring that Voice about the correct decision resulted in my own demise.  The decision? To eat too much flour-based food in one day.

I have discovered over the past few months that my body has developed an intolerance to gluten in food. Gradually, I have been reducing or eliminating gluten-based foods from my diet. This one decision has had incredible and positive effects on my body. Not only have the negative symptoms gone away, but my cholesterol levels have reduced, energy has increased, and I’m making healthier nutritional decisions for my diet. (If you do a search on the Internet for “gluten symptoms” – such as this site provides: http://glutenfreenetwork.com/faqs/symptoms-treatments/gluten-intolerance-symptoms-how-do-you-know-if-gluten-is-making-you-sick/ – you will get a better picture about this condition.)

Even with all the positive experiences I’ve been having by following this gluten-free practice, there have been times when I cheated on the diet. Just a little…without any major ramifications. However, this week I went too far in cheating. I succumbed to that ego voice that wanted the apple pie… and the tuna sandwich… and the crackers… all in one day. By the time I went to bed that night, my stomach and intestines were in such pain from trying to reject all this gluten-type food, that I spent most of the night and the next morning worshiping the porcelain god. The Law of Gluten reigned supreme!

Just like any Universal Principle, the Law of Gluten doesn’t care who you are… it is no respecter of persons. Anyone with gluten intolerance at the same level as mine, making the same bad decisions, would have similar results. The Law of Gluten is always there, invisible, and ready to be proven. Its effects, when disregarded, are similar in any one who decides to go against this Law. It’s nothing personal… it just is.

I am once again freeing my body (detoxing it) from the effects of this gluten allergy.  As long as I follow the Law of Gluten, I experience growing, positive results. If I disregard this Law, I pay the penalty, the effect, of my ego’s bad decision. I know what to do and which Voice to listen to. I have no one to blame. And it works every time. Perhaps you recognize this principle in yourself… through the Law of Lactose or the Law of Shellfish.

This painful experience has opened up my mind to new laws of nutrition I had never considered before. It also provided me a concrete example of how Spiritual and Universal Laws work in my life… and for everyone else… all the time, whether you pay attention to them or not. Ignorance of these Laws does not stop them from working…nor protect you from their effects or consequences.

Not only do I have a heightened awareness of the rules I will follow knowing the Truth about these Laws (and ALL Universal Principles), but I sleep much better, too.